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Slowly Through The Dark

Slowly through the dark,
on searching foot
and wondering eye.
Await the call of the morning lark
to loot stars from the sky.

Frigid winds bow 'round,
without effort,
sweet on my skin.
They've peddled down to meet with the ground
a-saunter their shy din.

Each day a new life,
which, born to us
we should cherish.
For we know we shall not meet here twice,
only once we perish.

Alight the fire
now, for a meal,
our first day break.
The end of which lies a reminder;
through zeal, our lives at stake.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
We don't have larks where I live but oh well, it rhymed and sounds nice:) Oh and in the second stanza the 'bow' is the one you shoot arrows with.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I appreciate your comments very much

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

author comment

Who are you?
Okay, I confess, I get nosy.
A poet says a couple of bright things, posts a really good poem half-handedly in a workshop and I start pokin' around.
I have something profound to say, but it may take a moment. Want to get a chair?
This has two directions, so hang with me.

First is a poet I have known for a little over a year who has gone from "Tell me again what an iamb is?" to writing what we have together decided is "off the cuff". This is not a technical term. Okay, it's our technical term. It's meaning needs the second direction.
Always do I whine about other poet's punctuation, grammar, use of the classic form... everybody's nodding their heads. But my chief argument is this.

To train the mind to think in a poetic manner, so that when creation comes it is unencumbered by conscious thought on "the poetry". The poet simply writes. The hurt and joy, confusion, whimsy, pain, all the things that are poetry are what concern the poet and the poetry (buzz phrase) "takes care of itself".
"Off the cuff."

The poem's rhyme scheme is a scream, but I'm weird and get excited over odd technical things that are artfully done.
I guess I'm a poetry wonk.
And as a poetry wonk I will tell you also a flaw before I tell you what I loved about the poem.

A poet needs to decide between forms even if they are not using a strict form (see "off the cuff"). You have capitalized the first letter of each line (an archaism that this poet who worships archaisms abhors), while failing to capitalize the third line. It is a typo (if that's what it is) that I would prefer to see become your norm. Line three is an enjambment from line two and "should not" be capitalized. I wouldn't, but you must decide your mode.

As to the poem as a whole... it rocks.
I don't use language like this describing people's poetry. I'm way too... wonky.
It riveted my attention from the beginning and rather stole several seconds from my life (there... that's better).
Again, you must forgive me for poking into your cellar like a mole, but I follow the poet always wherever they would lead.
You new fan, wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thank you for your comments. I'm a little overwhelmed!
One thing I can't stand is forcing poesy. (Picked that word up from you lately.) Yet I find that there is a different kind of force in sticking with a pattern or form. It's nice to just write, but like this poem, my first written verse usually sets the tone.

I'm a guitarist, so rhythm is one thing I'm very accustomed to. Though to the band mates I've jammed with, i'm known for 'odd' timings. I think it's that 'odd' timing and a lack of understanding meter that drew me to creating strange syllable counts!

With delving into meter at the moment I feel that my future writtings may take a small dive, but arise for the better. I've focused so much on rhyme and syllables per line that, as you say, I don't really think of it anymore. It just is, as the thoughts flow.

As to your critique, you'll find that I've reviewed this piece and altered the capitalisation to fit the punctuation. You're not 'right' though, you know:) But I appretiate your thoughts and I definitely agree, so thank you. I don't think I've ever thought about that:P

Your words are too kind Wesley, I'm busy deflating my head now! hehe. Glad you snooped, lol. and I'm glad to have met you. The name is James, by the way. Just an average dude.
Peace

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

author comment

I find your rhyming scheme a bit different yet consistent. It works. Your language usage is delightful:

Slowly through the dark,
On searching foot
and wondering eye.
Await the call of the morning lark
To loot stars from the sky.

(but I don't understand how a fridgid wind could be sweet on the skin unless one is under the hotest tropic sun at midday.)

mostly great lines all the way and the consistency is there. I very much enjoyed this poem.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I'm glad you enjoyed this, I enjoyed writing it, it is a favourite of mine to be honest. I feel like a proud Uncle (can't say Dad coz I'm not one;)

The frigid winds feeling sweet is both in reference to that almost damp morning draft and the feeling of being alive in a new day, ya know? It hits you and (though most times it is cursed) you smile, just in awe really:) If there's one thing I love in life it is nature.

Peace

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

author comment
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