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Untamed temerity

Submitted by Roscoe Lane on Tue, 2012-04-24 06:07

Untamed temerity

Broke the morning air with an uneven stride,
stole three kisses from a bachelor’s loving bride.
Surely I was happy I had nothing of worth to hide,
been working so hard to turn down my secular pride.

Wave after wave kept rolling on their wetted sand,
kept my powder dry, my canon close to my left hand.
the nihilistic brotherhood of toff’s couldn’t understand,
you pluck no other’s strings if you’re a one man bland.

Respects are paid my dues are or maybe coming next,
complicated yes, but what can anyone else expect.
Wrote a few rules but didn’t understand or right a text,
all the old authoritarians seemed awfully conned vexed.

Won’t care for debt, tore a new arsehole through life‘s rule,
why do so many people wait for their joy to begin.
Get up off your knees please declare their palate gruel,
you don’t need their ways having your fun is not a sin.

Order I hear them shout, but this order is for who,
they're the ones flying high in comfort throughout.
Governed by the laws they never seem to give due,
we can’t be the same we have a nose not a snout.

So I am not ever going to bend an unassuming knee,
there’s to much anger, fight and life left in me.
I don’t much care for those who can’t or won’t see,
they can’t tame us, if our hearts and minds are set free.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Tue, 2012-04-24 08:33

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this is a powerful write

a couple of typos apart from the title
'you pluck no other’s strings if you’re a one man bland' --- do you mean 'band'? or is 'bland' a play on words?

'Get up of your knees please declare their palate gruel' --- ?'off'

'their the ones flying high in comfort throughout' --- ?'they're' - my favourite line o might add

i like this write - the last line says it all
great rhyme
good rhythm
and the whole work oozes with the emotions of
'there’s to much anger, fight and life left in me'.

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Roscoe Lane

Tue, 2012-04-24 09:18

Roscoe Lane's picture

Thank you Judy, and i'm sorry about the typos, but yes i did mean bland. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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Rula

Tue, 2012-04-24 09:20

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I like it all..ESPECIALLY

"So I am not ever going to bend an unassuming knee,
there’s to much anger, fight and life left in me.
I don’t much care for those who can’t or won’t see,
they can’t tame us, if our hearts and minds are set free."

thanks for sharing...

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Roscoe Lane

Tue, 2012-04-24 09:24

Roscoe Lane's picture

Thank you Rula, glad you enjoyed this . Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-04-25 00:41

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intelligent and thoughtful.

A few typos-
all the old authoritarians seemed awfully conned [,] vexed.
Get up [off] your knees please declare their palate gruel,

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Roscoe Lane

Wed, 2012-04-25 01:23

Roscoe Lane's picture

Thank you Jess, i have fixed the typo (off), but conned vexed, was meant as a play on words. Thanks again Reagards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-04-25 04:14

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it teaches me not to get too rigid in my thinking.
thank you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Rula

Wed, 2012-04-25 01:43

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I really like this piece , I have bookmarked it and guess what ?Nominated it too...
I don't know much about the system of the contest here as I am still new but I wish it will win .

P.s Last stanza..second line ,many be [ too much ] instead of to much

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Roscoe Lane

Wed, 2012-04-25 17:57

Roscoe Lane's picture

Thank you again Rula, it's great that you still enjoy this poem. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-04-25 03:47

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I found this a brill piece of writing and I checked on the title as one does when there is a query, and the word you use "temerity" where the heck do some of you find these words as this one fits the poem perfectly, especially the Rash bit..
.
temerity
1400–50; late Middle English temeryte < Latin temeritās hap, chance, rashness, equivalent to temer ( e ) by chance, rashly
.
Keep up the Thesaurus word search I am going to bring out my Slang dictionaries and see if I can beat this write,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Roscoe Lane

Wed, 2012-04-25 17:56

Roscoe Lane's picture

Don't know when or how i first heard it, but i've known about this word well it seems like forever. Thank you for your comments, and your intrest Ian, Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

or12

Thu, 2012-04-26 04:20

This is your first poem I have read. All I can say is you know your flow.
Really good.

Roscoe Lane

Thu, 2012-04-26 17:31

Roscoe Lane's picture

Thank you, it's good of you to comment, and could i say a heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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