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The Satan's Defeat

Submitted by alidzain on Fri, 2014-10-24 16:13

Once again, a Son of Man fled in terror, proving to me they are pathetic
everytime i showed my form, their courage vanished with the wind
is this the descendant of Adam whom my ancestors have been ordered to revere?
one whose heart is easily misled and troubled by a nudge of fear?

Where is the proof that they are better than the Devil?! Where?!!
So many I have tested and yet none proved the proclaimed truth
once I instigate the growth of doubt, the faith in their hearts falter
making me proud to be a djinn, a superior race born of fire

I have bear witness some of these puny mortals turn away from God,
asking my race to offer them prosperity, beauty, strength and status
there are also those who came to us, seeking our aid for vengeance!
of them, we shall gather that they'll be condemned to hell like us

I laugh aloud, mocking the heavens as I beat my chest, full of pride
I am one of the many servants of Lord Devil who are yet to be defeated
together we shall blind them that they will stray from the Light
this is our vengeance for our ill fate, being cast out of Eden

I can hear the footsteps and see another man appearing.
I plan to scare himm 'till Death ended his heartbeat.
Wait! What is happening?! His words are hurting me!
He is glowing in my eyes and I felt as if I'm burnt alive!

Curse him! I can't come close to him.
I retreated when he moved forward
This is impossible! I'm supposed to be invincible,
Yet I cower before him, feeling wretched and helpless

He is cheating, praying for God's protection
Without His Light, he is nothing
I cannot stay 'else I'll be suffering in agony
so I find myself fleeing to safety.

In the shadows,a distant away,
I snarled and hissed through seething teeth.
Yes the Son of Man has triumph tonight
but I shall strive hard so that his descendants
will never defeat me.
This is my vow.
Many more will join me
in Eternal fire.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Sat, 2014-10-25 12:46

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The entire content is myth.
What can I say? It is all rather silly. There is no god or devil. We make our choices based on what we learn, and what we choose to learn.
It is un-kind of me to dismiss your existential dilemmas as silly, but they are.
To choose knowledge and reject the supernatural is hard, and avoids some comfort, true. Wouldn't you in all courage prefer truth?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

alidzain

Sat, 2014-10-25 14:30

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That's just the thing. We all have our own views on what is truth. For an atheist, this piece is a myth but for men of faith, like muslims and christians, it is something else. To me, I put it this way, everyone is free to believe what he/she wants. We just need to respect each other no matter how we differ in our opinion because there will be some opinions which is shared by all. Muslims, christians, hindus, atheists and the rest of the world all want to live in peace and harmony. Unfortunately some are misguided and become too selfish to care for others as well that they commit attrocities for whatever reason thay have. Yes, we may differ in our beliefs but don't let that be a reason we turnn away from each other. If everyone is the same, Jess, life will be boring.

Alid

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weirdelf

Sat, 2014-10-25 14:35

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yet still find any belief in the supernatural not only silly but divisive and destructive.
Belief in reality is not the same and boring because the universe is so endlessly interesting and beautiful.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

raj

Sat, 2014-10-25 12:58

Obviously you have worked hard on this poem. However, in my opinion, somewhere there are areas where I felt confused w.r.t. where the protagonist is taking the reader..is the Protagonist a believer in God? If so . the following line is a contradiction suggesting Man is superior to God "I laugh aloud, mocking the heavens as I beat my chest, full of pride" and so on. Of course that's my take. Wait till others comment. I may have missed your point. As said before, I strongly believe you have worked hard on this.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Sat, 2014-10-25 14:42

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The protagonist in this poem is Satan so when he says "I laugh aloud, mocking the heavens as I beat my chest, full of pride", he is displaying his arrogance, not because he thinks he is superior than God but because he believes he is superior than the humans God loved as if to say "is this the race that you choose over us? See how he ran away from me."

Remember the protagonist is not human but the Devil's minion. That is why he refers humans as Son of Man. He thinks Man are pathetic and to be associated with one is a form of a humiliation in his point of view.

Alid

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Barbara Writes

Sat, 2014-10-25 15:42

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Especially as it goes to Satan after his ousting from heaven to lived here among the 'sons of man' from heaven by his spirit brother Jesus by permission of their God and father Jehovah.

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alidzain

Sat, 2014-10-25 16:53

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In truth, I am writing in the muslim context. When the Devil and his minions are ousted from heaven, they asked God a delay in their death and vowed that they will lead humans astray until world's end.God gave them permission as a test to humans but told them that thay can never sway the humans who have strong faith. Why, you may ask He tested us? It was said in the Qur'an that when God created Man, the angels ask him why did He create a sinner that will bring chaos and destruction when He has already created the angels who will never go against His commands and glorify His Name? Asin "Aren't we good enough?" God's reply is this "You don't know what I know." then he tested the humans to show to His angels that in spite of their imperfections, there are humans who can be worthy enough to dwell in heaven. In Islam, the pious men ad women, are placed higher in regard because they are tested while the angels are never once tested in any manner. In that sense, they are better than the angels.

Islam and Christianity do have distinctive similarities. We both believed in Adam and Eve, the angels, the Devil as well as the prophets.

Alid

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Barbara Writes

Sat, 2014-10-25 20:42

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Yes after God ousted them the demons asked not to be sent to tartus. Judgement still awaits them as they create chaos for among Adam descendants o this day. Job was one man that showed their are faithful ones that will prove satan a liar staying true to their faith and belief in God and his sovereign rule which was called into question when Adam turn his back on God. We are of different faith with similar religious understanding.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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raj

Sat, 2014-10-25 16:03

now this is beginning to make some sense to me. Thanks for the elaboration Alid.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sat, 2014-10-25 16:23

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Your story has intrigued me. Yes I see the careful hard work in this piece. Well written.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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weirdelf

Sat, 2014-10-25 16:28

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that the preceding comments seem to accept that god and satan are real beings.
Those beliefs have caused more war, harm and divisiveness than anything in human history.
How can you believe in the root of hatred even though it professes love?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

raj

Sat, 2014-10-25 16:37

You have opened a pandora's box by your forth right comment. Would be interesting to read the responses of others which would be a sort of a debate on the beliefs by the protagonists and antagonists ...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Sat, 2014-10-25 16:59

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It is as I have said. While atheists like you may think this poem is a myth or a joke, the ones who believe in religion will see it differently. Laugh it off if you will but don't let it bother you too much. Never let our differences in our beliefs open a gap in our friendship.

Alid

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weirdelf

Sat, 2014-10-25 17:04

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unless you try to proselytise me,
that is where I draw the line.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Sat, 2014-10-25 17:06

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that is an interesting challenge, one I would and do frequently take up.
How can "your side" the side of faith have anything to offer but comfort for the ignorant though?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Sat, 2014-10-25 17:08

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I regard it as cowardice to deny that we live in a universe governed by the laws of physics. Faith is cowardly comfort.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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