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Open House Madness

Submitted by China Blue on Sun, 2010-10-31 20:06

Open House Madness

Welcome!
Come, step into my dream
I’m sure you will find
Things are as not as they seem

Your host is in the kitchen
He has become the main course
The places that are dined on
Are his pleasures source

What’s going on over there
How many people
Can fit in one chair
Arms, legs assorted body parts
Hard to tell
Where one ends
And one should start

Baby kisses
Chills from neck to spine
Linger, linger
Please, take your time

You say
It’s ok dear
Just go along
Ardor and emotion
Out of sync with time
When I awaken
What will I find

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Thank you to all that helped out Now the poem is complete

Comments

judyanne

Mon, 2010-11-01 00:03

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of poe and carrol

very confusing - almost an alzheimers feel
perhaps you could finish with a line such as
'it is all very wierd'

interesting write chrys
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Race_9togo

Mon, 2010-11-01 01:22

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It flows very well, and appeals to my sense of the anarchic!
2nd stanza, last line, should "pleasures" be "pleasure's"?

Jim

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

lou

Mon, 2010-11-01 02:54

lou's picture

It is a little confusing, i think you are describing an orgy. Maybe you could change the last stanza, it could with just a little tweak, you could say 'passion and longing, there's no crime ,' or ' ardour and emotions out of sync with time.' I feel a good basis for a poem, just needs a little tweak.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Ayaz Warith

Mon, 2010-11-01 03:05

Very sweet verse China
"Baby kisses
Chills from neck to spine
Linger, linger
Please, take your time"

I liked this very much.
Thanks for sharing
Regards
Ayaz

Ayaz Warith

Wed, 2010-11-03 01:59

This is very sweet, China. So simple and so lovely. I loved its idea and concept.
Thanks for sharing this piece, friend
Regards
Ayaz

judyanne

Wed, 2010-11-03 12:52

judyanne's picture
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finishes it off well
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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