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Back Tracking

Back-Tracking

Conspicuous yearning for things of the past
mourning the loss of your dreams
wishing you’d done any number of things
not ever allowed, so it seems

recalling a ride in a forty-eight Dodge
that ended in blood laced with pain
hearing a humming noise deep in your head
and fearing the worst for your brain

Cowboys and Indians played with a friend
kissing a girl on the cheek
night-crawler picking on newly-wet lawns
bait for shy trout in the creek

hunting alone at the age of thirteen
bringing home rabbit to fry
walking a graveyard to conquer your fear
of spirits and demons that fly

taking a beating from bullies at school
and later, from bullies in war
wishing to God you were stronger and brave
while bleeding in shame on some floor

these are the omens that herald the end
of a life nearly wasted by youth
but writing them down in the lines of a poem
preserves their innocuous truth

C. Lon R. Bruso

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I never apologize for life, I just live it, write about it, and endure the pain and pleasure with equal patience.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Brilliant poem! ( do I really have to come up to this standard? - it's goin to be hard! ). humph!

Nice to see you posting! and what a great return! :)

Love Mand xxxx

I certainly hope that I can continue pleasing you and see you continue growing poetically also! Thanks for reading this and leaving me feedback!

author comment

The meter, the subject, you never cease to amaze. Were I able to offer you some substantial suggestion as to how to improve your poetry I would be a poet of worth indeed.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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You do me great honor with your generous words! To me, you are indeed a poet of worth, and there are many more here who would doubtlessly agree!

author comment

I can offer is; "Damn, I wish that I had written that!" Only one little thing, I would exchange the word [the] for the word [some] ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I'm glad you approve of my little offering! btw, I just purchased 3 premium memberships, so I'll be around awhile!

author comment

glad that you are back to stay! I can't wait to see what you come up with in those three memberships! As always, I love your rhyme and subjects. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Were we in a theatre just hearing this read aloud, it would receive a standing ovation, The rhythm and rhyme are divine, sigh I think if I ever write so fluidly I would be patting myself on the back

wonderful poem, *applause*

love to you both Jayne xx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

You give me far too much praise, ( though I'd be a liar if I said I didn't enjoy it! ) LOL!! But seriously, my poetry is what it is, bits and pieces of life, thoughts, and half-baked notions of things that maybe shouldn't be, but yet should still be written about. I consider myself blessed to be able to do this, and honored beyond measure for whatever good that comes my way as a result of writing! Thank you, once again!

author comment

My only crit, and it is a minor one, is that
S1L4 so it seems
feels like filler to end up the line and match the metre.

The poem affected me in more ways than one and I thank you for it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

You are probably correct, and I offer no excuse other than my inability, at the time, to find a more suitable ending for the line. Seems no matter how many years one writes, there is always something to be improved upon. I do plan to improve a bit before I die!

author comment
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