Sorry I'm late.

It's exciting to see you delve into storytelling even if we know how this one turns out. That of course brings me to my first subject. This is not my perspective, but an oft repeated maxim I first came across in Faulkner's essays. If you would write a story already written (Cain and Abel, Adam and Eve), it is important that somewhere in the midst of it you develop a new perspective. We must be allowed to see this old tale in a slightly new way. It needn't be a change in the story. Merely a shift in our view point. 

You have already begun this and I encourage you to continue in this vein. That Cain is still with us in so many ways, wandering the land sowing hatred and violence. Make this a physical thing perhaps. Don't shy from it. It's a good look.

Details. Mostly suggestions.

I would capitalize "Arrogant" in the first line. This was going to be one of my first subjects on the main page and I may still run on about it, but I have always felt that the first line of any written work (but especially in epoppee [epic poetry... I have to teach my semantics... that's what we're writing for the most part, so let's use that term]) must be a kicker. Your line is straight forward enough, but not "earth shaking". Since you later use the term "The Arrogant" as a nom de plume, go for it in the the first line. 

I guess one of the things I'm saying is that subtlty has a place in epoppee, but often so does "over the top". 

There are some interesting grammatical twists you use in the opening (the kin), but I'm not touching them.

When Adam and Eve there sow

The use of "there" requires "sow" to be past tense which of course would not rhyme. How about "did sow"?

But Allah won't allow Adam and Eve

have all of paradise's mirth. 

Clumsy grammar. Maybe... "all of sweet paradise's mirth" or something like that. 

Enough of details.

This is too much fun from you my dear. But now... since you end with this and we must of course go on... who is "I"? Don't worry, you needn't "tell" me... just tell me my story.

Until next time.

wesley

Of course you can. Not only do I think it a subject you personally can sink your teeth into, but the thing has an excellent feel to it. First things first though, you don't necessarily need a story full blown in your mind, but you need to brainstorm as to where you are going to go in the immediate. Writing and letting the story create itself works also, but it's harder and more frustrating. Get a general idea of where you want to go with this so you have a target and you're not wandering about wondering. I'm afraid that's how I started CACO and I wasted a lot of time I wish I had back.
I will be here for you through this adventure if you desire it.
Now go read "The Ana" and get ready for my submissions. I'm going to need your help.
wesley

A Great write just watch out that Gee doesn't steal that Cain and make him Killer's brother, these long bits take time so we will have another look soon,
Yours Ian.T

One, line four (not intro), I think you mean decent. Look up your spelling and be sure.
Then,

the souls and put the bodies in slippery.
this doesn't quite work. I know what you're alluding to, but the language doesn't convey it easily.

Now, as to continuing. This requires the brainstorm. I have a million ways I could continue, but this is yours.
Here are just a couple.
Begin a story in which characters are influenced by the Cain spirit. We should not be able to recognize him right off, but ultimately he is involved with the characters and destroys their lives. You decide whether or not they can be redeemed. You could do this over and over again. A series of short stories.

Or
Tell a story directly involving Cain and his struggle to escape his doom. He attempts the good path, but as he is cursed, always turns good to bad destroying people's lives. Miserable, lost... he moves on.

Rula, I could do this all day, but I know you can find a direction. Look beyond the Bible and Quran. Find an original perspective based on the old tale you've told.
Don't stop now. You've barely begun.
wesley

First I'll say that you are telling an ambitious story and would agree with Wesley that since the story is so well known, you should look to bring a original focus to it so as to entice the reader into giving this well-known story another look. There's a lot of promise here and we can tell there was a great deal of consideration and passion, two things I never find mutually exclusive.

Next, I'll start with a few general observations and then highlight what I mean by applying them to a stanza.

1) Structure - when you are writing structured verse, each departure from the structure creates a jarring in the flow of the read. There are times when this is useful, when you desire for the reader to stop and reconsider and re-read a passage. These should be the exception because once everything is jarring, nothing is.

2) Grammar - it is important to make certain your word choices support your story and style. slipping from one form to another, using stilted grammar, convoluting word order, all of these are to be avoided unless they are completely intentional. An example of intentional would be a character or location within a story.

3) Rhyming - rhyming is easy to do poorly and, at times, we are tempted to sacrifice flow and style to hit a rhyme pattern. This should be avoided. Better an extra hour or day or week or year on a line than a lazy rhyme.

The most difficult thing with structured verse is to use the structure as a framework rather than a vehicle. A framework will support a poem but will call no attention to itself and the story, feeling, circumstance, etc. represented in the poem is the vehicle. When the structure is the vehicle, we see it first, foremost, and always and thus any flaw is highlighted.

Think of it as a Taxi and the Oscar Meyer Weiner car. Both provide transportation but one we forget about and concentrate on the passenger and the other, the passenger is of little importance.

So, how would I apply this to a section of your work?

Taking the following stanza:

08 Thither The Satan seduced them
09 to eat that fruit-the one forbidden.
11 Implying to Eve-Adam's sinless woman
10 that the truth could forever be hidden.

The numbers in front are syllable counts and although syllables are not everything, it's a good unit of measure for flow.

With this stanza each line has a different syllable length and, immediately, we have to adjust our pacing, line by line, to read it, struggling to get a smooth presentation. Additionally you are using older style words, 'thither' and not carrying the theme through the rest of the stanza. Lastly, you have some difficultly structured language that forced me to stop and re-read, slowly, some sentences.

I like to think of all poetry, and especially story telling poetry, as a conversation rather than a lecture. We are sharing an interesting instance, not delivering a history paper. To do this you need to present your story in such a way that the audience feels they are participating rather than just listening or reading.

Something like this:

08 Satan the Liar seduced them
08 to gather the fruit forbidden
08 and feast on it in reckless shame
08 trusting the truth could be hidden.

Now, of course, this is my slant on your story and I would not expect you to change style or direction merely because I threw out some lines. Rather I would like to see you take the suggestions of the folks here and work at smoothing and improving this piece.

I, for one, fully believe that poetry is as much craft as inspiration and that the poet ignores craft to their own detriment.

... welcome to "Storytelling in Verse."
Your comments are spot on, intelligently given and even vindicated stuff I've been spouting for a long time now (always a good thing to suck up to the workshop leader).

Particularly loved the conveyance example. I too often drive around in a wiener mobile. I agree that if one begins with a structured flow that any deviance from that structure is like a dead body in the road at dark. You may not notice what you hit, but you know you hit something and it was bad.

I will expect your full involvement on my poem as well as everyone else's.
Again, welcome and well met.
wesley

‘His father, brother and the kin’
I’d drop ‘the’

‘the forbiddance and utmost sin.’
maybe ‘the forbidden and utmost sin.’

I really like
‘As deep as the layers of earth
go the folds of this rumbling story
to tell so little 'bout hatred's birth
as well as of love's descent glory’
it tells me immediately what the work is about

my only real crit is the rhythm and rhyme in parts. I know you are great with rhythm, so I simply suggest you go through it again with fresh eyes and I am sure you will see spots you would like to work on.

as for the rhyme - do note as i have mentioned before, sometimes your rhyming seems forced and you really need to spend a little time changing syntax and words to have your rhyme flow more easily and less obtrusively :)

a great telling rula
I am sure you would be able to add more to this – how the soul of cain continues through the ages – think of all the evil and murder that continues in this world….

love judy
xxx