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Submitted by Liamb on 13 April 2008 - 4:20am.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
That crimson sunsets should kiss our brow
On the death of this day now past
Unto this future that is our now
And golden rays the morn shall cast
Deciduous dreams then to nightmares cede
Perpetual visions of times since gone
Resurrection found in those tears we bleed
Succour awaits us in the coming dawn
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
(3 votes)
Good flow and imagery - I
Good flow and imagery - I like the scene you paint. I just wonder if there could have been more. I don’t know I get the feeling this poem is not finished yet. See what you think.
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
thank you.
thank you
Liamb
Liked this, so truthful and insightfull I think it stands well on it’s own!