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Rider68

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United Kingdom,
United Kingdom

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“Please”

If you care, come walk with me,

And you will see,

His canvassed, silhouette,

Partly glazed, against, the moon lit sky,

It’s a picture, for all to see,

His face is etched, with the age of time,

And his hoval, is,

As far as you can see,

 

He’s Damp, cold, and all alone,

Friends, lost, in the mire of time,

Strangers lurk, sneer; close by,

Thought’s had he,

But hopes have died,

“Watch”

As the night calls,

And Stirs them to their feet,

Pita patter echo’s, from, within their hide,

The clouds pouring tears,

But only, for you, not him, or me,

 

Blinded, misguided,

He does enough, just to survive,

Longest days, coldest nights,

Maintain a submissive mind,

Hermitized; …… drifting,

Amongst the rubble Plaines,   

Laying on yesterdays news,

This is not good for him,-

Or a place, that you want to be,

 

Their Stomach’s rumbling,

The Food hall beckons,

A choice between,

Bins, 1, 2, or 3,

Consumed on eating,

Yesterday’s fries, and maggots,

If you please,

 

This tale is nightly,

And the routine, - is always the same,

Except for faces,

Which, occasionally change,

 

A time to ponder, and reason why,

A time of thought, guilt, and shame,

Come look inside, and find some light,

For it is said, that the stars shine bright,

Lost am I, deep down inside,

Burdened, by passed, and present,

Will you be my light,

Will you be my guide,

Come’ and you can see,

 

But yet, no-one comes,

No-one cares,

No-one sees me sitting there,

Where you may ask,
there under those stairs

To the right of the stars,

Under the dark lonely skies

Who cares, they cry,

I suppose not you,

Nor I

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Is the internal logic consistent?
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Submitted by Barbara Writes on 29 March 2008 - 4:21pm.
Barbara Writes's picture

A poor soul

Barbara Writes

my heart bleeds for him

one day a better world of happy people will exist.

enjoyed your poetry of a tramp’s life

a better flow here and it a winner

Thought’s had he,
But hopes have died,

Submitted by rider68 on 29 March 2008 - 5:39pm.
rider68's picture

Thanks Barbara

Thanks for reading, and kind comment, This has been re-written, the first
attempt was done sometime ago, lacked detail……..

Thank-you

Peter

Submitted by purplemoondoll on 29 March 2008 - 4:44pm.
purplemoondoll's picture

This is extemely well

This is extemely well written and a subject I can relate to - I work with the homesless. You made the images come alive and took me there. Just one thing - Is it Hobble (as in to hobble along) or Hovel (a run down place to stay)?

I really enjoyed the story. Issues like this can never be highlighted enough.

Kaz

It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Submitted by rider68 on 30 March 2008 - 5:08am.
rider68's picture

Hi Kaz

How Right you are, will edit straight away,
a touch of word blindness, Must have read this back 20-30 times,
I’m glad that you were able to follow the theme,

Thanks so much.

Regards
Peter

Submitted by pinksheep on 30 March 2008 - 6:01am.

I really

enjoyed this , you have perfect stamina to re- write ,and in the end it paid off-
you are a marathon runner of poets, keep going on with this sort of work , when
will a book of yours be out? if there is not one already , though may I say the
last two verses were nowhere near as good as the others , just a little moan,
as you are superb ,and for all i know you could be a runner as well as a superb
poet, as i do not know you- nevertheless sincerest regards Lesley-

Submitted by rider68 on 30 March 2008 - 9:31am.
rider68's picture

Hi Lesley

How astute you are,
You have found me out, I was eager to post, and somewhat
threw in the last two verses from the original script,
I will re-write them, Due to your comments,
As for Books, “If Only”
I am just beginning to really explore,
and expand the mind,

Thank you
Kindly

Peter

Submitted by pinksheep on 30 March 2008 - 6:04am.

Just noticed

correct to Tramps’, apostrophe in wrong place i think-

Submitted by Candlewitch on 30 March 2008 - 9:50am.
Candlewitch's picture

It is a very sad story of

It is a very sad story of the homeless who are always with us. Too bad we can’t put more money into solving this problem and less fundings into the making of war. A good solid story telling poem. I would be interested in rereading this piece if you rewrite the ending verses,

Always, Cat

Submitted by rider68 on 30 March 2008 - 10:39am.
rider68's picture

Thanks Cat

I feel some-what stupid, for not taking my time,
I will endeavour to re-write the ending,
Thanks for your Honesty,

As always

Best Regards

Peter

Submitted by pinksheep on 30 March 2008 - 11:18am.

I wish i was astute Rider

May i say the way you start the 1st stanza delightful, and what follows such
bliss , even when the poems’ subject is far from this-Lesley yet again,once more.

Submitted by pinksheep on 30 March 2008 - 2:22pm.

Man

you should be published i can not believe nobody wishes to publish you, are they
insane-les

Submitted by rider68 on 30 March 2008 - 4:14pm.
rider68's picture

I'm Blushing

You are so very flattering,
Many thanks,

A Humble Friend,

Peter