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Barbara Writes
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Submitted by Barbara Writes on 29 March 2008 - 2:19pm.| Updated 31 March 2008 - 8:15pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Silky black strands, soon surrender
To long silver locks, that drapes her body
With dyes and rinses, formative years victorious
Curls, a flip of the comb, she is at home
Every two weeks she rides the wind
She sanctions new styles that holds her youth
Like springtime on the horizon, no one recognizes
The glory of Grey ringlets, riding beneath her splendor
At the day ending, the roots of dawn
Makes an entrance once again
Riding the winds she mounts up
To win the war, between the black and silver tresses
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
I fixed the errors I find,sometimes hard for me to see them
(3 votes)
Apart from a couple of
Apart from a couple of typing errors, this was a great read. I know someone like this! I like these lines especially:-
Every two weeks she rides the wind
She sanctions new styles that hold her youth
Like springtime on the horizon
I always said the day I go grey is the day the red hair dye comes out :-)
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Hi Barbara
This is a delightful take on ageing. I especially like the title and the way you incorporated it into the poem. Very nice!
Always, Cat
That I really appreciate that
Barbara Writes
I really appreciate your kind words. I was hoping not to offend, but share the beauty of aging in a positive light. I think silver hair is beautiful as well our natural colors. commenting on it its beauty has gotten me in trouble.
cathedra
is really the throne of a bishop but there maybe the meaning of throne alone - not sure but you might want to check it, Barbara.
drapes vs drape is a tough call but drape seems proper you might want to check that as well
seek vs seeks I believe it would be seeks hmm
Makes it entrance vs Make an entrance or Makes it’s entrance
Astonishing poetry Barbara, really. I enjoy this very much and will surely come back :)
Mark
Your advice is always welcome and appreciated
Barbara Writes
I used the dictionary before using and didn’t notice this difference. These tired eyes. You are right about cathedra. I was looking for another word for throne. Not what I was looking for I cathedra. Thanks for checking this for me. Will change. Drapes I agree, I made a typo on that one.
Seeks, yes what I meant. I seem to be trying to hard at making less typos.
Makes an entrance is definitely a better flow. Thanks for liking it and your kind words.
Your advice is always welcome and appreciated
Barbara Writes
I used the dictionary before using and didn’t notice this difference. These tired eyes. You are right about cathedra. I was looking for another word for throne. Not what I was looking for I cathedra. Thanks for checking this for me. Will change. What words would be better that mean the same as throne and works well here. Drapes I agree, I made a typo on that one.
Seeks, yes what I meant. I seem to be trying to hard at making less typos.
Makes an entrance is definitely a better flow. Thanks for liking it and your kind words.
Agenda
seek out her agenda
she’s feeling at home
I don’t know Barbara it might work :( maybe not for you, it is really up to you :)
Mark
Thanks Mark
Barbara Writes
this helped a lot. got me thinking in another direction for my poem to go, that makes for better reading