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Crypticbard
Australia
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Submitted by crypticbard on 23 March 2008 - 5:16am.| Updated 27 March 2008 - 11:37pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
`
warmth envelops
dissolving the
bustle and noise
liquid stillness
offers but a momentary
tranquil once upon a time
it is so easy to
drift off and forget
here the watery balm
soothes celiac rashes
a moment’s reprieve
that shuts out reality
provides sombre retreat
cares float away
until unwanted thoughts
stray with blistered report
it is quite possible
through bolted locks
to lay victim
to home invasion
for someone to play
Corday to one’s Marat
a hapless victim stabbed
at home in one’s bath
`
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
(3 votes)
liquid stillness offers but
liquid stillness
offers but a momentary
tranquil once upon a time
it is so easy to
drift off and forget
This is so very well expressed. Liquid stillness - calm but unsettling at the same time and this follows through with the closing lines - excellent.
I really enjoyed reading this :-)
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Visions of the French
Visions of the French Revolution are now swimming in my head! Vivid visuals in this excellent piece.
Always, Cat
Right on!
I guess Corday and Marat gave it away there…. hehehe
Bathtime will never be the same!
I really enjoyed this and hard as I tried I could not come up with any suggestions to improve it….other than perhaps continuing it to dwell on the bloody and macabre consequences of the stabbing.lol. On a boring technical note perhaps “once upon a time” should be in inverted commas. Keith
>
this has a very lofty quality to it, your style is something new to me, great work.