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Submitted by Candlewitch on 22 March 2008 - 9:00am.| Updated 5 April 2008 - 6:39am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Twirling fingers
Of wind-swept sand
Dancing through
The desert evening
Like
Vagabond songmen
Reflected
In purpling
Mountains
On the horizon
Echoing
Wind’s mournful
Sierra lullaby
Hush now
Hear her
Come alive
Her vesperal children
Awakening
Adding their
Lupine voices
To the ballad
Outposts of cactus
Throw long shadows
Their stretching reach
And bending touch
Upon darkening stroke
With the nearest island
Of wind and sand
Eroded rock outcropping
Time lives and breathes
In arid wilderness
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
(5 votes)
Cat
I would have used wolverine cries but that is me
and you beautifully describe the background of the cover for my new book lol
nice job of writing on this one very descriptive but then I would expect nothing less from you of all people and we both know why
pushy aren’t I lol
Chrys
Thanks Chrys, your book
Thanks Chrys, your book jacket/cover sounds majestic, lol! And to think I described it without seeing it in the physical. Let me know when it becomes available to the public.
Always, Cat
give us an ISBN
cheers,
Jess
Hi Jess,
You would have to ask Chrys for the ISBN. Thanks for reading.
Always, Cat
Cat
You certainly brought me there! Did you mean to use:
and bending touch
upon shadowy touch?
Nicely written~Janice
Yes, I did. Thank you for
Yes, I did. Thank you for reading and commenting. Nice to see you!
Always, Cat
side to Jess
One is already on my bookshelf the one mentioned here is in the works hopefully by late summer I can add it to my bookshelf
Chrys
Very well written
lady Theresa,
Thank you for reading!
Alwaya, Cat
I simply love this site
and love your poem. You just don’t get the brave, adventurous stuff elsewhere that you get here. Somehow this feels Japanese to me, despite its length, it uses lanscape to evoke powerful emotion, great work.
cheers,
Jess
p.s. I didn’t forget to vote, who did?
Thanks Jess
I consider this to be high praise coming from you :)
Always, Cat
A Beautiful Creation!!
:)
Thank you for such a glowing response!
Always, Cat
Now stop with false modesty.
you know you are one of us. poet and comment as a member of this community as you are.
cheers,
Jess
A masterpiece of flow and image
You have such an effortless flowing style Cat that i get swept along with your craft. In truth though despite hinting at much and definitely evoking an emotional response it does not actually say a great deal. Not that it particularly matters, the word and mind play alone are impressive.I think I agree with Chrys about “wolverine” rather than “wolfen”…or perhaps “lupine” if you want to be unusual. The repetition of touch in the lines below (and shadow and shadowy)should perhaps be avoided:
“And bending touch
Upon shadowy touch”
may be something like:
“And bending touch
dark-fingers the ground”
Always Keith
Thanks Keith
I took your sound advice and I hope the changes will meet with your approval. I always look forward to your suggestions and comments :)
Always, Cat
Excellent!
Hi Cat
This is so very good.
Like a true craftsman, moulding verb’s & nouns
To form poetic bliss, for all
For all time
I bow for you
Respectfully
Peter
This is awesome!
I am glad I stumbled across this write.
Your friend,
Mark