Long Time ago…maybe yesterday
A child had a love that kept so jealously
And didn’t share it with anybody……
Like other kids that have hidden treasures under their beds.
Day after day he took good care of it
And feed it with sparkling lights
And scent of thousand roses….
To give it to someone special.
He cleaned it and polished it with tenderness
So it could be ready all the time.
Time passed by and the illusion grew along with him….
The child protected it with sword from all misfortune
That more than once resulted hurt in so ferocious battles.
He decorated it and remodeled with new hopes and happiness.
But time passed by and the child waited so long that he fall asleep
And didn’t notice the day a star appeared and enlightened his life….
When he opened his eyes….couldn’t find words to say…..
And a delightful scent flooded his soul…
He went quickly and brought the love to the star
But seeing that she rejected it and put it to a side
Down that little angel’s cheek
A crystal tear freely ran non stop…
And that love he kept so dear
Seem to vanish into the air.
Today’s days that little child did what he used to do
He still keeps that love
And have it ready to give it to the person
That really wants it
With one condition only….
To preserve it
Submitted by Dominick on 21 March 2008 - 3:33pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
(1 vote)
Non Stop - looks a little
Non Stop - looks a little awkward to me - how about freely or somthing softer? I like your storytelling style, this was a great read. I cant comment to much on the structure, I am sure others will but for me this was very well thought through and thought provoking too. I liked these lines:-
Time passed by and the illusion grew along with him….
The child protected it with sword from all misfortune
That more than once resulted hurt in so ferocious battles.
The only thing I would say us that by dropping the ‘a’ and ‘the’ in some of the lines the language does not seem to flow as freely as it could and this is a great story - see what you think?
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.