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Submitted by Candlewitch on 21 March 2008 - 12:08pm.| Updated 28 March 2008 - 12:52pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Beer !
by: c.m.m.
when I cannot
raise the heart
in me and
all my colors
have run dry
when I stand
naked(and blushing
before the world
once again
I am too tired
to even try,
that is when
I’ve turned
to the liquid
amber
nectar
made with grain
it both
warms me
and sustains
its fire makes
a hot pool
for my
pickled brain
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
This is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. I'm not an alcoholic, but I do enjoy a good beer from time to time.
(4 votes)
Good deal!
I can’t wait for the new decree to go into effect. And frankly, I would like to see more editing, than posting several poems at a time. Thanks Mark.
Always, Cat
Benjamin Franklin
is reputed to have said that “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” so perhaps you should have submitted this poem to the Religion vs Atheism contest Cat….I’m sure it would have won hands down (or perhaps bottoms up)lol. He just might have revised his thinking if he had read your bit about it rendering you naked and blushing…but none of the rest of us are likely to be complaining on that score…if we knew your address and what kind of beer you like that is. Keith
PS I would have been tempted to say “amber nectar” and left the “of the alcohol” line out.
Hey Keith
That would be a hot one, me arguing for religion, LOL! Especially organized religion! Now maybe if they organized a religion around beer, I might give it consideration :) Thanks for the tips, I will make that change.
Always, Cat
p.s.
Thanks for mentioning this commment, otherwise I might have missed it for allot longer.
Cat
This came out of you lol
I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny or not but I found it so
maybe because I am walking around with my head on backwards as of late
What if you shortened that one line to
It warms me and sustains
Chrys
Hey Chrys
Yes to both! It is supposed to be funny. See… you haven’t lost your sense of humor. And yes to the line change!
Always, Cat
lol But should’t the font
lol But should’t the font color be red for blushing or amber for beer? Or better: red before the comma, amber after? Just kidding; enjoyed! :-,?
No… purple for standing
No… purple for standing there naked freezing. LOL! Glad you enjoyed this piece of levity on a Friday afternoon.
Always, Cat
Wah
yip yippy - it”s aLL gOOD hic - up Tihnk I”m Giong ta hvae aonhetr >>>>>>>>>me<
Yup! it’s all
Yup! it’s all good!
Always, Cat
When I think beer and
When I think beer and poetry, it is always Tom T. Hall. But this was nice as well, excuse me now while I seek out some suds!
Cheers ;) Always, Cat
Cheers ;)
Always, Cat
this is what I would do
just saying think about it lol
I would remove ;
Beer!
by:c.m.m.
and add to the Title;
!
so the title reads;
BEER !
Hopefully helpfull,
Mark
cuz BEER was the writer all
cuz BEER was the writer all along, right? ha ha, hic!
Alobar
LOL! Yes I’d had a couple brews when I wrote the poem, so you could say that the beer wrote it.
Always, Cat
Done !
Thanks Mark.
Today I edited out my name (on several poems)and changed it to initials, for practical reasons. I didn’t realize it would repost the poems back into the stream, EEK! I didn’t mean to be a space hog.
Always, Cat
Cat, it will hapen more and more I think with everybody
as we improve upon our work and the new one poem per day system is in effect ;)
Mark
As The Beer is Flowing
Mines a Pint & a J D chaser.
Liked it! very good,
Peter
Hi Peter
Mine is a bottle of Balto Heroic! Cheers :)
Always, Cat
It is all better now here again lol
Damn I can’t even read it straight when I’m sober the trickle down had me staggering lol I wonder why the parentheses though. It works fine without them for me ;)
Mark
When I drink beer, I do get
When I drink beer, I do get a natural red blush or flush that goes away after the second beer. From the first beer til after the second, I’m as red as a raddish, LOL, all over. I guess I was feeling a bit shy about that. My secret’s out now, so I may as well take away the parentheses!
Always, Cat
Daddy's little helper
Clean house once a week. Can’t do it without a rack of Heineken - me bad )p Funny thing though, I cannot write haha that started off good lmao I can’t write AT ALL rofl with alcohol in me - there ! hope you can get that ( out of there.
::smiles::
Mark
Hey Mark
I can write with a drink or two, but the funny thing is, I can’t CLEAN without a beer! And music… there must be music!
Always, Cat
OH yea !
Ya gotta make it a party or bordom will set in and ya find yourself in a mess more difficult to deal with and then procrastination can set in ::sigh:: hate that word ;)
Mark