www.neopoet.com/your-name-here? — get your space on the web — Register Free
Submitted by Candlewitch on 16 March 2008 - 6:58pm.| Updated 23 March 2008 - 11:29am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Cutter’s Cirlce
(in roundelay)
by: c.m.m.
with all the
cunning attraction
of freshly fallen snow
accumulated
in a barren field,
how deliciously tempting
to caress
the virgin surface,
forging
a personal trail of tracks.
She found an addiction
for the sharp,
quick touch
of puncture kisses
on a bed
of soft, smooth skin.
with all the
cunning attraction
of freshly fallen snow
accumulated
in a barren field,
how deliciously tempting
to caress
the virgin surface,
forging
a personal trail of tracks
on and on it goes…
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
My self-injury urges are now under control. When the urge is greatest, I write...
(6 votes)
Thanks Kaz
Not many understand it, even the ones who do it often don’t understand why. I’ve had many years to get to know my reasons and motives. Of course therapy has helped.
Always, Cat
Cutting
Self harm is becoming a distressingly common subject for women to express in their poetry Cat. A sad reflection of the pressures and abuse they often encounter in our society I guess. Your poem captures the fascination with creating imperfection as well as transient addictive relief, and drew me to be your eyes looking down at a fresh unused area of skin ready for the next cut. Its a great but disturbing poem.
There are several words that i dont think quite work. The main one of these is “accumulation”. It probably should be “accumulated” anyway but I think you could either leave it out completely or perhaps change it to “lying deep”. The other word is “caress”. This I understand makes sense when considering a cutter caressing the skin with a blade before slicing into it, but “caressing” virgin snow with foot marks does not work so well. How about “mark” or “scar” or even “disfigure” if you want to be very strong? I assume the title should be “Circle” by the way. Keith
Hello Keith,
I think you are right, the word accumulation should be accumulated. The word caress has a special meaning to me, as a recovering victim of self-injury, but I will still give it some thought. Instead of caress, how about scratch or score?
You are right about the title, of course. Thank you for reading and giving me your well thought out suggestions and opinion.
Always. Cat
I was just thinking, and I
I was just thinking, and I was wondering about the title. Which do you like better, “Circle” or “Cycle of the Cutter”?
Special meaning
I am flattered that you are waiting on my comments Cat. So I take it that what you mean by caress is the actual cutting rather than the preparation for it. This I had not quite understood, but i can see how you could regard it as a caress since it brings both pleasure and release. To match the snow imagery it can’t really be “scratch” but “score” is a possibility. As for the title I do think “game” is inappropriate, its a compulsion as we both know. So perhaps simply Cutter’s circle or Cutter’s viscious circle. I had thought of cycle too but it just felt less inescapable than circle.
On a serious note I am personally aware of at least four cutters on this site and i expect there are many, many more. Perhaps it might be an idea to share the experience and how to overcome it with each other in open forum and in poetry if appropriate. As a Psychologist I am painfully aware of this problem and know also that there is much to be gained from sharing experiences with one another. This is something of a taboo subject for many but it distresses me greatly and so I was wondering what you think of poets helping each other on this? Keith
I think your suggestion of
I think your suggestion of “Cutter’s Circle” is the most appropriate.
Yes in this grusome context, caressing is morbidly true. As the action takes away an unendurable pain and replaces it with a pain that is tolerable. But I’m not so sure many (non)cutter, (non)self-mutilators would understand it, so I am still considering the word mark or score. I will ask my husband which way he prefers it and probably go with that.
I don’t know how to use an open forum, but I would consider it as the second purpose of my poem is to help others to know that they are not alone. (I used to think I was a monster.) The first reason for the poems or prose that I write on abuse is for my own release… a therapy; an outlet for my feelings instead of cutting.
Thank you for your patience with me and my many questions.
Always, Cat
Cutter's~
Dark images made beautiful in your work great job!
Thank you for your comment,
Thank you for your comment, It is always good to hear from you.
Always, Cat
Cat
I tend to agree with Keith on this one. If I didn’t know better I would think this were about you , but I know you better than that.
However it does make a statement upsetting as it is . It is a truth that has to be faced . More and more this is being seen and heard of
Chrys
Hey Chrys
I agree with both of you on those points mentioned. I don’t want to start making changes until I hear back from the professor on the questions I asked him. Then I can make them all at once.
Yup… it is from personal experience. I am recovering from self-injury syndrome. I usually wear longer sleeves so you may not have seen the scars on my arms. But perhaps you remember my hands?
It all started for me when I was much younger and tried to dig the cigarette burns out of my skin. B-I-L used to bump into me with his cigarettes and then tell me how clumsy I was. It was a punishment for “telling” on him. Even though telling only resulted in me being called a liar.
Always, Cat
I know of cutters on this site as well
this brings more light to the cycle of cutting clearly written.I look forward to any revisions,please message me when you do so..
In ink,
Dabbler
Hello Dabbler,
The poem has now been updated. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Always, Cat
A problem often overlooked
But we know how to hide it well,don’t we?You’ve done a wonderful job portraying those kinds of feelings and urges.From experience,I know how hard it is to stop yourself when those urges overwhelm you and commend you for being so strongwilled and determined.Brava!
Lacy,
Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
Lacy, thank you for reading
Lacy, thank you for reading and commenting. In this we share a bond that many don’t understand. Now, my writing serves to express those urges without hurting myself. I hope that you will find the same peace in your writing.
Always, Cat
I work with this often and
I work with this often and its very much a misunderstood phenomenon and very well expressed here -nice work.
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.