Barbara Writes
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Other article tools There’s something about a man
That starts a fire in the cold ashes
Of my heart
There’s a man that flirt or stare
There’s a man who wink or shy
Making me wonder what it all means
Living for the moment
There’s something about a man I love
That makes me whole
There’s something about a man
Turns the frown on my face
Into a smile that heals
There’s something about a man
That changes my raging storms
Deep within to a day of sunshine ray
There’s something about a man
That bonds my shattered heart
Mending it slowly with each touch
Living for the moment
There’s something about a man I love
That makes me whole
Going through life taking the good with the bad
Living in limbo not knowing
Where the winds of life will take me
A gentleman hard to find
Not being treated with honor
Leaves me sailing lonely seas
Blown by worldly winds finding
A man strong and chivalrous
That rescue feminine struggles
Makes my heart rejoice
Living for the moment
That something about a man I love
That makes me whole
Is what I miss when it is all over
Dear Barbara,
Your poem is filled with feelings and I did enjoy reading. On a technical side (am I am not very technical ask anybody:) I know a few things that might get you into some problem here. Redundancy, you wrote “There’s something about a man at lrst 13 times. Cliche, night in shinning armor. Title, the title is all over the poem. I suggest you keep the title and remove all the other “something about a man”. I also suggest you find other words for “knight in shining armor” and the word “distress”. OR keep these things in mind when you write in the future.
Congrats on your spotlight and best of luck :)
Mark
Thanks
Barbara Writes will revise to your suggestion. Really appreciate your feedback. It was a song in my head I put to words is why the redundancy. I will rewrite for poem format.
I am happy you enjoy reading. I was excited to see it in the spotlight.
Barbara
Liked this Barbara even tho there were a lot of “There’s something about a man”, A lot of your honesty and feelings here! Thanks for sharing with us
Thanks appreciate your comment
Barbara Writes redundancy was intention, but see what Mark is saying and is planning a revision.
Barbara
If that was your intention, no revision necessary!
Appreciate your critiquing
Barbara Writes their are a couple of things I need to revise. Wanted to get crit.
“Cliche, night in shinning armor. Title, the title is all over the poem. I suggest you keep the title and remove all the other “something about a man”. I also suggest you find other words for “knight in shining armor” and the word “distress”
I agree with this. Will keep as song in my word document with some changes, but agree with revising for this poetry site. I will makes changes to Marks suggestion.
When you write lyrics Barbara
you might want to make an annotation in comment at the bottom of the submit page for technodummys like me :) It is a fine song and I do look forward to seeing it without the lyrical movement. I would keep both posted here if it were mine :)
Joy and Peace,
Mark
Thank Mark
Barbara Writes I didn’t think to do that eventhough I no it’s there for special clarity. Thanks for the suggestions.
Nice
Nice Nice - awesome !
Yes the lyrical feel was there and I am glad someone mentioned
it as well.A double threat poet and songwriter.
Appreciate your comments
Barbara Writes how do you feel about poet/songwriter?Noticed word “treat”. I welcome this site as a poets’ site.
This song was in me and had to write it. I’ve written lots of song but hadn’t written one since I started here. Plan is to post to my poetry website not more here.
A term I us Double threat
like someone in two fields that has notable talent in both like an actor/musician is a double threat a singer song writer is a double threat treat works just as well outside of threat.
a compliment indeed.
Thanks for the compliment
Barbara Writes I felt your statement was complimentary. Your opinions are of value.