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Submitted by gumpymonkey on 12 March 2008 - 8:27am.| Updated 13 March 2008 - 1:17am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Expose the challenges in the daily.
Life and tolerant magic will not fizzle.
Swiftly when thin hope clouds form.
Pollution in our routine vacuums.
That which holds thunder heads of variety.
So high in esteems sky is the cumulus.
Joy of play and puzzle.
Make the mind burn fat off.
Heavy thoughts in order to reach higher.
Within its own wrinkles and own universe.
Expose the challenges in the daily.
Festival of you and your audience.
Participation in carnival game swindles.
Reeling a fervent plush conquest.
(2 votes)
good
I will have to re-read this one to get all the meaning. But it was good.
Thanks, Jeanette
I think you need to revise
I think you need to revise the punctuation. The full stops at the end of each line, effectively end the thought of that line each time, therefor, it is very hard to understand.
Maybe you want to have a look at that.
Kieran
“Mind, how you go!”
- Roger McGough’s poem for LSD Awareness Week
full stops.
While my structure may be experimental…it is not without reason. The full stops are intended to allow each line to stand alone as a poetic statement. While still allowing each stanza to be read aloud as one full and meaningful sentence. A duality exists in this poem that forces you to use different processing routes within your brain. I sure hope it is very hard to understand. :) The whole point is to “Expose the challenges in the daily”….
Thank you for the comment though! I do realize it is not necessarily a success. The individual lines do not stand alone very well.
Daniel