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Submitted by gumpymonkey on 12 March 2008 - 8:18am.| Updated 12 March 2008 - 9:19am.
Style / Type:
freeform
-1,0,1,2,3,4 5,6,7,8,9,?
Negative Healed by Those in White
Zero Hour Ticks After Breeding
First Impression of Refracting Light
Second Way of Practiced Breathing
Third Trimester Ends with a Fight
Forth Coming Small Chest Heaving
Fifth Digits Now Stubbly Formed
Sixth Sense Unknowingly Suppressed
Seventh Day by Nature, Not God Adorned
Ate Ferociously from Giving Breast
Ninth Month by You Forever Mourned
Begin Your Unfair Fucking Test!
-1,0,1,2,3,4 5,6,7,8,9,?
Very deep
I read it and re-read the poem. At first I though it was a very unique look at life. Then the end threw me off. It turns angry and sad for me. I like the poem even if the end was very raw with emotion.
You write well and in a very uniqque style. I like the concept of doing the numbers. Keep them coming.
Thanks, Jeanette
the ending.
If I were to read it aloud to a mixed audience, which I have, I would build up to the last line with a jovial yet boisterous tone. Then I would almost say the last line with a cheeky cynical grin and a hellion’s shifty eyes. The tone is meant to be
dark yet incredibly light hearted about our true influence over existence and our own forced/gifted birth into this mad world.
So cheers! We are struggling into existence. Play with whatever planes we are given.
then again…
Maybe I should change the word “unfair” to something a little more supportive of this afore mentioned claim? Back to the drawing board.
Daniel