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Submitted by Izza on 8 March 2008 - 11:25pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
My paint box exploded
Conveniently upon
A white canvas.
I picked up my cloth
To clean the mess,
But as I turned back I saw
A portrait;
With an uncanny resemblance to
The Mona Lisa.
My dictionary exploded
Conveniently upon
My notepad.
I reached for the eraser
To delete the nonsense,
But as I glanced at the page I saw
This poem;
Coherent sentences if not
A masterpiece.
The matter of the universe exploded
Conveniently upon
A vast area of nothing.
When I looked I saw
A thousand shades of blue in the ocean,
And the tiniest detail of vein
On a maple leaf;
The results of a marvelous
Accident.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Just to make it absolutely clear for the purposes of the contest, this is an ironic poem and is an argument for the existence of God - I'm pretty sure it's obvious but I've had problems with people taking my irony seriously before :)
(4 votes)
Only through a poet's eye...
congratulations on your win…well thought out poem deserving of the win…
Delightful! I wonder if this
Delightful!
I wonder if this poem is really in the first two stanzas alone?
Anyway, much enjoyed
all the best
eric
Thanks! I see where you’re
Thanks! I see where you’re coming from but this was written as an entry for the competition to write a poem arguing for the existence of God - so it’s about how every work of art needs an artist and the last stanza is to show that the world is a work of art and therefore needs an artist too. I thought the irony would be apparent enough that I didn’t need to have a more clear explanation within the poem (as paintboxes and dictionaries clearly don’t really explode into masterpieces). I may have some rethinking to do though…
Yes i liked it with just the
Yes i liked it with just the first two stanzas also…just my opinion though!
Don’t forget me
–I won’t remember anything else.
Last stanza
myself when writing i too write the extra
stanza and often people have described it
as creating a new whole direction and
if not poem itself
i like how the diversity of your
descriptiveness goes from grand to
medium to macro jump to jump
and i like the thought and visual
of a vein on a leaf being as important
if not the whole reason for the poem
but i also agree equally that this would
be a great poem with just those two
first stanzas
why?
for me it leaves me with wanting or
imagining a third
as it was said once of my poem
let the reader imagine
let the reader think
O
thanks for your entry
good luck in the contest!
Mark W.
Congratulations
Great poem and an ironic way to make the point.
RT
Awesome
Right up my alley and may I paste it to my wall?
Congrats on your place in the contest :)
Mark
Thanks! Sure you can paste
Thanks! Sure you can paste it to your wall. Sorry for the late reply, I don’t have the greatest internet access at the moment.
Congratulations on your win,
Congratulations on your win, it’s a beautiful well thought out poem!
Cat
Though the position
Though the position expressed has been intellectually indefensible since 1859, your expression of it is interesting and creative; congrats on the award!
Thanks! It was really meant
Thanks! It was really meant to be more of an emotive argument than an intellectual one anyway, so I’m not really sure what could have possibly happened in 1859 to take away the innate human feeling that there was a creative mind behind the creation of the universe.
i'm not
sure it’s “intellectually indefensible”? anywho, great poem! an..accident indeed!
I think this is perfect as
I think this is perfect as it is. I love the contradiction of “exploded convienently”, and I love the way the poem builds. My thoughts on religion are vague but I’m a big believer in serendipity.
Thanks for this. =)