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Candlewitch

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Advocate Volunteer
MidWest USA,
United States

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Mistress Moon
by: c.m.m.

the wee hour of 3 a.m.
passes me by
and I, awaiting
the early morning chill
with a dedicated
lack of anticipation,
shiver in the fading darkness.
I am the midnight child
come alive at moonrise,
drifting on the tides
I am pulled
by the cycles
of my mistress moon…

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
The title has been due to popular demand
4.545455
Average: 4.5 (11 votes)
Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 5:37pm.
Candlewitch's picture

Hello Moon Man

Thank you for your kind words. I think that 3 a.m. is the true witching/mystical hour. It is nice to know that others share my affection for both the hour and the moon.

Cat

Submitted by poewriter58 on 4 March 2008 - 6:14pm.
poewriter58's picture

Cat

It does me proud to see you get the remarks you are getting
so glad my course helped you along it was my pleasure and you were great to work with didn’t need much work at that you made my job easy for those that are not aware Cat was one of my first on line students and she does me proud
Chrys

Submitted by professor on 4 March 2008 - 6:37pm.
professor's picture

Ah those wee small hours

Nothing quite like those hours is there really Cat, a combination of peace and frustration. It is a lovely poem and following your edit i would not change another thing. Keith

Submitted by RSScheerer on 23 March 2008 - 11:41am.
RSScheerer's picture

Mistress Moon

Cat, there are times when I think you’ve gotten inside my head. This piece is a direct representative of one of those times! It’s like looking into a mirror.

Truly beautiful write. I didn’t read the original, but Eric’s suggestions seem to have been on the spot, because this is perfect.

Only one thing doesn’t do it justice, in my opinion. The title is too light for the depth of the poem. When I saw the title and then read the poem, the contrast struck me right away.

~ Ronda

Submitted by Candlewitch on 23 March 2008 - 5:27pm.
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Thanks, Ronda

Yes, Eric is always a great help to me and greatly respected by me also. I am at a loss for an alternative title, but I am always willing and happy to take suggestions. I guess I felt very small when faced with the magnitude of my feelings at this moment, that is why the title is as it is. Thanks for reading! (the moon is one of my favorite subjects)

Always, Cat

Submitted by mark on 23 March 2008 - 8:29pm.
mark's picture

Cat !

lol I see a problem in the title there.

In The Wee = In The Urine OR In The Small

So you see it really does not make sense ;)

I really do not think “In the small hour of 3 AM” works (unles you somehow explain why it is “small”

You know it is legit to take a word from inside the poem and use it as the title? Hint - just don’t choose one at or near the begining nor the end lines of the poem.

Best of luck,
Mark

Submitted by poewriter58 on 24 March 2008 - 11:07am.
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Cat

Thew new title is perfect!
I to am laughing at Mark’s comment
Chrys

Submitted by mark on 24 March 2008 - 4:23pm.
mark's picture

It is not really out on edge

BUT I think a more traditional poem with title from poem the last line it works perfect. Ya might get a little more crit on that. Better to be up front than to try and sneak it in from where it might stop the reader to go looking for what the reader can’t really remember that the title is that line lmao

Awesome work,
Mark

Submitted by RSScheerer on 24 March 2008 - 5:44pm.
RSScheerer's picture

???

Now you’re confusing me, Mark! LOL
Wasn’t there a hint not to use a line from the beginning or end up there somewhere? :)
~ Ronda

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 6:33pm.
Candlewitch's picture

Hey Chrys,

Your writing course was most beneficial to me and I would recommend it to writers of any age. Thanks so much…

Cat

Submitted by Candlewitch on 5 March 2008 - 12:54pm.
Candlewitch's picture

Thanks Keith!

As usual, I really appreciate and respect your opinion.

Cat

Submitted by RSScheerer on 23 March 2008 - 5:48pm.
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mine, too

You do remember my user name at that “other place,” right? The moon is my favorite muse.

Why not Mistress Moon, actually? Or is that too obvious? I can’t read the poem while I’m replying to your comment, dangit. Will read again and see if I have any better title suggestions, if you’re looking for one.

~ Ronda

Submitted by RSScheerer on 23 March 2008 - 8:58pm.
RSScheerer's picture

Mark!!!

I can only laugh because “In the Wee” made me think the same thing - which is why I had to say it didn’t fit here.

I’m laughing too hard to give you a serious suggestion now, Cat. Thanks, Mark!!

But I do agree with him. You have a lot of great words to choose from for a great title.

~ Ronda

Submitted by Candlewitch on 24 March 2008 - 11:35am.
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Glad you like it, this one

Glad you like it, this one was Ronda’s idea.
Yes, Mark is quite a character, he had me laughing, too! You should see his comments on my “Beer !” post.

Always, Cat

Submitted by mark on 24 March 2008 - 11:03pm.
mark's picture

Hey... cundused?

Ronda, I am certainly NOT among those of the “ivory tower” (no secret) ;)
Mark

Submitted by RSScheerer on 23 March 2008 - 5:55pm.
RSScheerer's picture

Yes

I stick with my suggestion. I see Jessica made the same connection in her message way up there. “My Mistress Moon”
Fits very nicely.
~ Ronda

Submitted by RSScheerer on 24 March 2008 - 11:40pm.
RSScheerer's picture

Ivory towers

Mark. I was hoping for a tour!
You know I’m kidding. :)
~ Ronda

Submitted by mark on 19 April 2008 - 9:42am.
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Tour?

You hold the throne :)
Getting up the nerve to knock on the door myself but I don’t know …
Mark

Submitted by Candlewitch on 24 March 2008 - 10:41am.
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It was a pretty name having

It was a pretty name having something to do with the moon. I have been hoping to rid myself of that other place but they are STILL bombarding me with e-mail after sending them several letters asking them to stop.

Mistress Moon it shall be!

Always, Cat

Submitted by RSScheerer on 24 March 2008 - 5:41pm.
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Perfect fit, Cat

I’m honored.
~ Ronda

Submitted by Candlewitch on 25 March 2008 - 3:36am.
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Ronda

Thank you for the suggestion!

Always, Cat

Submitted by Candlewitch on 24 March 2008 - 10:43am.
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Thanks, Mark. I appreciate

Thanks, Mark. I appreciate the help.

Always, Cat

Submitted by abrelosojos on 3 March 2008 - 4:34pm.
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Good

Enjoyed reading this lovely poem…especially the ending. “my mistress moon” is awesome choice of words and alliteration and i think it would make a great title.

Don’t forget me
—I won’t remember anything else.

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 2:42pm.
Candlewitch's picture

Hello,

Thank you for reading my poem and taking the time to respond to it by telling me what you liked! It is always a joy when your work is appreciated!

Cat

Submitted by eric ashford on 3 March 2008 - 4:44pm.
eric ashford's picture

I like this also. Suggest

I like this also.

Suggest cutting

“quickly” from L2

also -
“hither and thither”
from L11.

Good job.

eric

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 2:47pm.
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Hello

Thank you Eric, for your helpful suggestions. I took you up on them and made the changes. I appreciate you reading and commenting on my work.

:) Cat

Submitted by purplemoondoll on 3 March 2008 - 4:51pm.
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I am the midnight child come

I am the midnight child
come alive at moonrise,

Your images are crystal clear and the flow makes the whole piece dance beautifully. Magical! I loved reading this - nice work!
Kaz

It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 2:49pm.
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Hi Kaz

Thank you for your most eloquent praise!

Cat

Submitted by poewriter58 on 3 March 2008 - 7:11pm.
poewriter58's picture

Hey Cat

You just get better and better
this is outstanding
Chrys

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 2:59pm.
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Hi Chrys

As always, I appreciate your review. I have been working hard on being as open and honest as my alter ego, Styx. If I have come even a touch closer to my goal, I am grateful to the powers that be. I will keep striving to be as good and honest as he is, but I know I have a long way to go. Thanks for helping me down this road.

Cat

Submitted by eric ashford on 4 March 2008 - 3:17pm.
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Yes to the revision. Its

Yes to the revision.
Its much tighter and direct now.
A good poem just got better.

All the best

eric

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 4:07pm.
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Hi Eric,

I too, believe it is a better poem now, thanks to your helpful suggestions.

Cat

Submitted by mark on 4 March 2008 - 3:36pm.
mark's picture

Ohhhh Cat !

This is me ! Do we know each other? Maybe in another lifetime huh?
Mark

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 4:04pm.
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Hi Mark,

Could be… nice to meet a kindered spirit!

Cat

Submitted by orgami on 4 March 2008 - 4:25pm.
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orgami

“shiver in the fading darkness”

an echo of a candles blush
cast by in moonlight meadows
trance

hypnotic duration
moons inclination

I Love your poem
just wrote these lines
I was so inspired

You amaze me Candlewitch
this is excellent poetry!!

Submitted by Candlewitch on 4 March 2008 - 5:33pm.
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Hello Orgami!

It is one of my greatest desires to inspiration others. I am made speechless by such high praise from a poet of your caliber. I too, loved your inspired words. You made my week! Thank you so much for sharing with me.

Cat

Submitted by themoonman on 4 March 2008 - 5:04pm.
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Hi Cat...

That is when I write…riding the tide in the wee hours.
This is really good poetry.

Submitted by Candlewitch on 14 April 2008 - 12:26pm.
Candlewitch's picture

Richard

I don’t know how I missed this comment, but I apologize for it and taking so long to answer. Thank you for your comments.

Always, Cat