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Submitted by pinksheep on 2 March 2008 - 4:54am.
Long is the winter ,it is almost half of this year. There has been very little snow , it is grey and solemn like a worry ,and the wind is so cold, the trees creak with it ,complaining like the old man with arthritis. The nights are dark and I welcome them, there seems now to be trivia in bright and breezy days of summer, I liken them to fools , the gay twittering of small birds ,when the eerie sound of the crow strikes the heart.
(2 votes)
Pink...
Talk about an unexpected ending…loved it..don’t like the cold though..be glad to see the summer roll in…
Cheers
moonman for your very pleasant response to this piece-pink
I know you are not big on re-writing,
and this is a good word portrait, but with a little bit of work it could be excellent. I can’t put my finger on exactly what just now, something to do with the sentences not hanging together well,
cheers,
Jess
"Word portrait"
Jess aptly described this piece!
Great use of simile, especially,
“it is grey and solemn like a worry”
I have to adjust my reading to the style you use, more of a paragraph than the usual sort of end-stops and enjambments I am accustomed to seeing. The words more than make up for any adjustments I may need to make in that sense, though.
Ronda
I think
now Ronda with a great help from you that my sentences should be shorter-I will
edit eventually .Unfortunately simile , metaphor , alliteration and personification is about all I can employ in writing-This is prose needless
to say I have great difficulty with rhythmn in poetry , I will try to look into
this-My Regards
Prose
… is exactly what I think of when I read this style, actually. Nonetheless, it is beautiful.
Don’t say “unfortunately” regarding simile, metaphor, alliteration, and personification! Many writers are unable to achieve them with the success you employ.
They are actually my favorite use of words, as is prose.
Best,
Ronda
Pinksheep, do one thing
for yourself and for my offended sensibilities. It might seem trivial to you, but it makes you look illiterate and is so easy to fix. You do it all the time.
When you use a comma, the space comes after ,not before. The space comes after, not before. See its easy.
cheers,
Jess
Jess
point taken, the space comes after the comma, not before-Regards