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Submitted by Kieran Nelson on 28 February 2008 - 6:44pm.| Updated 28 February 2008 - 6:47pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Fatius Fingers floundering for French Fancies
That tower terrifically on ten tipping tiers.
Cordoned by cauldrons of crinkle cut chips,
meandering by miles of moist meaty meat.
Flagons of fish, filed fastidiously forward
Generously gorging, great George’s great gut
Soon solemnly sick, but still silent saliva
Points past the problem and pushes plain on.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
I'm tryin to convey a sense of the emotion through the words, not explain it if you know what I mean.
Hi, this poem is part of a
Hi, this poem is part of a series of works I’m writing just now based upon the somewhat, lesser human emotions. The ones which don’t get talked about often, with or without good reason!
What I’m trying to do is not to explain the emotion, but try to make the reader feel or empathise with the emotion through the words. I’ve done this through, forms, language used and other techniques.
Please read and comment based on this. (this wouldn’t fit in the “last words” section!)
Kieran
“Mind, how you go!”
- Roger McGough’s poem for LSD Awareness Week
Keiran the whole poem is one
Keiran
the whole poem is one long alliteration. Which
makes it artificial and briitle to read.
As a poetic exercise it is clever but it has
no emotional center or meaning for me.
Alliteration is best used in lyric poetry
and then sparingly within context.
A good try but I am afraid it has no
attraction for me as a poem.
All the best
eric
So the over use of
So the over use of alliteration made you dislike the poem? That, funnily enough, is exactly what I wanted! To show that “over indulgence”, i.e the over use of that mechanic, has caused you, while reading to feel uncomfortable or indeed dislike what your reading.
It’s not a poem to love, more to create a feeling and or reaction. Seems to have worked.
Kieran
“Mind, how you go!”
- Roger McGough’s poem for LSD Awareness Week
Good-O!
That’s the way to work with words and literary devices - just push them to their limits and see where that takes you. And like a pendulum it will swing back the other way until gravity serves as an equilibriate.