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Submitted by poewriter58 on 17 February 2008 - 7:40pm.| Updated 20 February 2008 - 10:16am.
Style / Type:
freeform
The last thing I wanted was to go head over heels
I thought I’d forgotten how good that could feel
Against all odds I’d awake filled with smiles
Sun bright and warm
Can you feel them across the miles
Suddenly a cloud looms over head
Filling my life and dreams with dread
Old ghosts come to haunt and I know them by name
Mistrust, jealousy and lies
They all say I’m to blame
Jaded by the past
Knowing nothing will ever last
When built on a foundation of shattered glass
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(3 votes)
Hi Chrys...
Sure can’t build on shattered glass..you’ld need a little concrete…but the poem works.
Chrys
Nicely written I think lies should be included in the line:Jealousy, Mistrust and
doubt, for mistrust is the same as doubt? Just my meager opinion Great poem!
Janice
See you can teach an old dog new tricks I think you may be right let me toss that one around a bit I’ll let you know if I change it I like lies and probably will ( only in the use of this poem that is lol)
thanks for the pointer
Chrys
Janice
Yes I have changed it in fact rearranged the entire line to conform to the rhythm of the poem thank you it works
Chrys
Chrys
Nicely re-done! I like this a lot better!
janice
Thank you :-)
I know the subject well
When will those old ghosts give up and shut their mouths? And where can we find a spray can of ghost repellent? Good poem, I like it!
Cat
Cat
Just going through the missed updates list and found I had not relied to this comment
Old ghosts are just that , they come back to haunt no matter what
Chrys