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Submitted by rwc88... on 13 February 2008 - 10:07am.
Style / Type:
freeform
T.I.M.E.
only when alone
comes truth
walking to you
without shape or form
speaking to you
without words or grunts
looking into your eye
the eye only you know
you have
open or shut
truth sees you and
what you know you are
what you claim to be
what you show this world,
truth knows.
they’re ain’t no shittin’ it
waste no time trying
waste no time
period
rwc…
12/2/07
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(2 votes)
poetry
your poem is in blank verse still and all there is something missing from it . As it stands it reads more like an after thought
Needs more structure or substance something to hold your readers interest
Chrys
See I get what your saying
See I get what your saying about time, which I understood just from the last two lines. This shows that te poem needs more to it, throw in an analogy or a metaphor or something, just liven it up a bit.
Kieran
“Mind, how you go!”
- Roger McGough’s poem for LSD Awareness Week
I think it reads
Well as it is written. In raw “truth” form. No bullsh*t, no sugar and spice and all things thrice. Why buckle this down with metaphors? It screams private time between the soul and a conscience.Just my 2 cents.
KM
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re: T.I.M.E.
mucho thankos KM for “making” the t.i.m.e. to reply, kick in 2 cents worth of heard “2 sense.” “no sugar and spice and all things nice.” exactly. “screams,” - yes!
intentional to non-buckle down with add-ons, fill-ins, unneeded more’s of…someone said it was an afterthought as now - prob yes, pre-thought, after-thought during thought in now-thought with come-thought. can any reflection not be an afterthought with the constant coming/passing/gone? thanks for the 2 cents now worth more than double to me.
wheel…