Grow as a poet. Get honest feedback on your work. — Register Free
Submitted by dbaker on 11 February 2008 - 3:59pm.| Updated 12 April 2008 - 8:28am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Let us pay homage to the Prince of Morning
My prince of dark hair and flashing eyes.
Helios’ own herald to a slumbering land.
The cobbled streets of his forehead are paved smooth
Worry lines have fled with his passing
Pale milky cheeks with soft rosettes glimmering upon samite pillows
Crowned Marigolds adorn his shinning brow
One of an ancient line not meant to decay before the Lords of Afternoon
He lies upon a black prowed ship on a bed of cinnabar silk
Fragrant herbs cushion his limbs as rose petals adorn his feet
Sailing away to some white curtained shoreline.
He lies upon a black prowed ship on a bed of cinnabar silk
Fragrant herbs cushion his limbs as rose petals adorn his feet
Sailing away to some white curtained shoreline.
Nine and twenty shall carry him to the palace of his mother
Bathed in Dolphin’s tears, clothed in golden raiment and sapphire
Luna sings lullabies to her youngest son as she once more
Cast her countenance upon a darkened shore.
Death holds no power over pallid soft throat
The Prince of Morning slumbers.
-DS Baker
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Ok I have done a much needed edit/cleaning of this piece. Apparently much more was needed!
(1 vote)
Simply excellent!
Your education shines through this gem! It makes me think of my poem, “Crescent Waltz”, although it is an entirely different kind of a poem, with far less reference to history and mythology. I’m really impressed.
Only one tiny little thing: In the line, “Cast her countenance upon a darken shore.”, do you mean “darkened” shore?
Reverend Bec Hudson
Shine Your Light
It’s the ONLY Way to Get Rid of the Darkness!
My biggest problem that I
My biggest problem that I have encountered as a poet or as a writer is…drum roll please…keeping my “Tenses” correct. I am just horrible with that portion of my writing and it constantly plagues me.
I am going to keep the line “Casts her countenance” because Luna is both showing her face and giving light to a night time shore.
All my best! Thank you for once again for pointing out aspects that needed my attention.
-DS Baker
Thank you.
Rev. Hudson,
Bec, thank you for pointing that out. I actually rexamined the poem and realized that a couple of the lines needed “tweeking.”
I appreciate you warm comments. I have added you to my friends list and I will start exploring your work as time permits.
All the best!
-DS Baker
Sweet!
Thank you, and you’re entirely welcome! and Thank you for your time-permitted reading of some of my works…Oh, and call me Bec?
Peace!
PS: the lines, “Luna sings lullaby’s to her youngest son as she once more
Cast her countenance upon a darkened shore.” Do you mean “lullabies”, or are you using poetic license here? Also, do you mean “Casts her countenance…”?
Reverend Bec Hudson
Shine Your Light
It’s the ONLY Way to Get Rid of the Darkness!
I'm Laughing Along ...
while adding this comment: My dictionary spells “shore line” as “shoreline,” one word.
Thanx for such a pleasure read,
Chuck
PS: It is … always … such a treat to read the gathered, well-chosen words that can only stem from a rich vocabulary, a curiously inquisitive mind, a creative soul, a perceptive eye, a sharp ear … and even now and then an elbow or two ….