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Submitted by poewriter58 on 9 February 2008 - 11:15am.
Style / Type:
freeform
I heard a wolf cry out in the night
Then hugged the blankets round me tight
This was not done out of fright
Only that he reminded me of you
I heard a freight trains whistle whine
As it pushed through the darkness of another time
while the surrounding mist echoed it’s shadowed rhyme
Again I thought of you
I felt the emptiness of a life
Plagued by continuous heart ache and strife
Memories clinging to every thought
And you’ve lit upon my life
I saw a yellow rose in a field of thorns
The wind blew cold and sang forlorn
A question arising of who this could be
The answer awaiting reality
The yellow rose was always me
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
(2 votes)
I really enjoyed the first
I really enjoyed the first two Stanzas, the rhyming and rhythm were nice. However I felt that the poem breaks down slightly in the middle of the 3rd. It may be subconciously because the rhyme scheme alters at that point with the word “thought”, but also I found myself questioning what those lines were about.
I hate to use such a stupid phrase, but, “I didn’t get it”, referring only to the last two stanzas.
It was a nice conclusion however, and I was genuinly interested in who was the yellow rose.
Kieran
“Mind, how you go!”
- Roger McGough’s poem for LSD Awareness Week
Let me help
Perhaps if you knew that this was written for a person that thinks them self a lone wolf so to speak
I may have thrown you off by saying I saw a yellow rose in a field of thorns , there is the contrast I always put something in my poems that the intended recipient will recognize so they will know it is for them yet maintain a general audience
all this poem is saying is that I am standing out in this persons life but they cannot see it
thank you for being so honest and stating as you put it lol “I don’ get it” hope this helps a bit although I like to leave the interpretation to the reader
also I’ll take another look at that stanza you may be right I may have to change it a bit
thanks
Chrys
Thanks Chrys, I read it back
Thanks Chrys, I read it back with that in mind, and it does make a bit more sense.
Kieran
“Mind, how you go!”
- Roger McGough’s poem for LSD Awareness Week
Secret code
Yes this is something of a poem with a secret code Chrys..although it was clearer to me what it was..lol. An amazing mix of diverse images, the title alone evokes considerable curiosity. Keith
Hey Prof.
Thank you and keep the code under your hat. I tried to be diverse in this one
thanks for the comments
Chrys