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The ripple on the horizon,
the imperceptible start.
The wave comes closer,
the wave reaches higher.
Now it’s upon him,
upon the tiny surfer.
High the wave reaches,
it towers over,
it gains a crown,
a boiling white crown,
and this great monster,
cold, cruel, curving,
picks up the surfer
and is smitten a blow,
a great white gash across its chest.
In attack the wave rears higher, higher,
higher still.
The surfer rides destruction safe to shoulder.
The wave curls over,
further, further.
Up the wave
Up the the wave the surfer strives,
striking at the waves great heart,
that roaring murderous great heart.
Along the wave,
back to the curl,
in the curl to strike the heart.
The surfer rides out,
unscathed but weary,
weary all through,
though his mind is alert.
Down the wave, another great gash,
up the wave,
beating, beating,
beating the wave
till it fights still harder.
Yet the wave seems conquered,
yet the wave seems smaller
and the surfer grows careless
and the fury unleashes!
It crushes the surfer,
it envelopes his board
and the surfer is no more,
and his board is but pieces,
pieces of rubble.
The crowd on the shore,
horrified,
petrified
at the sight of the surfer,
lost to the sea.

I normally ask for total crit but I wrote this when I was 12 and it started me on the road to poetry. No crit needed, thanks.
0
Submitted by a5m5y2000 on 15 June 2007 - 10:44am.

good write

I liked it you are a very good writer even at the age of 12

Submitted by weirdelf on 15 June 2007 - 10:51am.
weirdelf's picture

and you are a very good writer

that’s why I posted this for you particularly. You will get lots of crit here but don’t ever let it put you down. Take what you need and leave the rest and never let it change your voice. Believe it or not a stranger can believe in you. And I do.

Submitted by conect11 on 17 June 2007 - 10:33pm.

you

wrote this when you were 12?! Bullpucky! It’s f*cking masterpiece theater, I loved the first half of it. I was gonna say you repeated “the” but if you wrote it when you were 12 you probably already saw and intentionally left it in. Seriously I really enjoyed this.

Mark

Submitted by weirdelf on 18 June 2007 - 5:18am.
weirdelf's picture

Many thanks!

It’s true, I was 12 and wrote it alone after my sister introduced me to Judith Wright’s works. I have left it unedited to see where I came from.
cheers

Submitted by mark on 4 February 2008 - 7:53am.
mark's picture

Just alone working your way

… out through the waves to “that” wave is exausting for a beginner like me. Trying to “catch” “the” wave is another exausting workout. I can’t even imagine what it would be like being up to speed to get to the heart of the monster.
Wow! I could feel this, Jess.
Mark

Submitted by weirdelf on 25 March 2008 - 6:50pm.
weirdelf's picture

I drowned in the experiencing of it,

fortunately it didn’t take long for my short life to pass before my eyes. Then a surfer pulled me up by the hair, dumped me on the beach and said “stay out of the water you stupid little cunt”, then kicked me. But he saved my life,
cheers,
Jess

Submitted by mark on 17 April 2008 - 6:11am.
mark's picture

Sounds like

Sounds kind of like the first time I was drinking with the “older guys” ROTF only they just laughed a lot and told me to keep walking :(—-
I think you got better at it not sure about myself.
Mark

Submitted by poewriter58 on 17 September 2008 - 6:13am.
poewriter58's picture

Jess

I did get to this poem as you can see. I believe a twelve year old did write this. Talent begins somewhere does is not and you only managed to improve on tha talent
nicely done Jess
Chrys

Submitted by Eduardo Cruz on 19 October 2008 - 10:35pm.
Eduardo Cruz's picture

Jess,

Very Interesting that this was written at 12.
It was a great beginning.
thanks,
Eddie