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Barbara Writes
United States
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Submitted by Barbara Writes on 3 February 2008 - 5:56pm.| Updated 9 February 2008 - 9:28am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Our wedding day
Beautiful pink and white
Flowers
The love we shared
Laughter we behold
The dreams we had
Recaptured on our
Twenty-year anniversary
Joy of married life
Children one big family
We envision now a reality
The joys and passions
The love grew stronger
Together we bonded
Wedding vow repeated
To love and cherish
Today and forever
We recapture this special day
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Thanks Mark
(2 votes)
Punctuation
Barbara, hello ! I read your poem several times and realize that is because it seems to need a little punctuation.
If I may?
Wedding vow remembered;
you are sort of starting a list so you need to signify that by this ;
Wedding vow remembered;
Our wedding day, (adding a comma makes it more logical)
Children, one big family (again the comma) add an additional space after the comma (two spaces) in poetry it just works better :)
When you say Wedding vow recapture do you mean loving and cherishing
or
… recaptured, (comma)
love and cherish
Barbara, I really hope I am helpful and in the end it is your decisions and your poetry :)
Truly,
Mark
thanks mark
I like your suggestion. I will revise it.
I shall return
I am hoping to see what you do witrh it, Barbara,
Mark
Back
Barbara, I think this is so much more logical it is rather nice to read. You need to fix a few typos and I shall return.
Were = We ?
Twenth = Tenth ?
Cheers
Mark
work
You really worked on this Barbara :) It is great!
Truly,
Mark
Really appreciated
Really appreciate you suggestions and comments