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Crypticbard
Australia
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Submitted by crypticbard on 23 January 2008 - 5:40am.| Updated 23 January 2008 - 5:40am.
Style / Type:
freeform
won’t you tell me I
have not lost my soul!
I am on the way back
from around the bend
back into the languid pools
and the billowy breezes
that sing spontaneous songs
in cool of the afternoon
– such sounds lift the spirit
bringing a peace and serenity
against the cruel hardness
and the crashing discordant sounds
of this torpid confusing world
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
How was my language use?
(1 vote)
Reading your poem was like
Reading your poem was like watching a movie that is to be continued , beautiful wording, for example languid pools and billowy breezes , just sets the reader up for an enjoyable reading. the entire poem has a calm undertone a lulling quality . My only objection was it was too short I was just letting myself be carried away with it’s soothing flow and it ended abruptly
very nicely written
Thanks
The first line of your comment confirms to me the visual nature of the process of my writing. The objection on brevity is a feedback I have received as well. And I have written and will post some of my longer and more ‘complete’ poems. I guess this one is an example of an episodic or still shot poem which expresses a feeling more than the living out of an experience. The prodigal returns and this is like that one breathe to bolster his/her resolve to return home as the first step through the threshold is made.