Barbara Writes
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Other article tools Daddy died leaving me here
In this world all alone
I know he dead, what does it mean
I saw him there lying in a box
I call his name he did not answer
Sleeping I thought but his eyes never open
Hoping he awake and hold me again
Daddy wake up from the box
Wake up daddy from the box
Lets go home to your house
Daddy slept without a word
Daddy laid still in the box
Daddy’s face I see in my mind
Come get me just like before
Take me riding take me shopping
Spending time just me and you
I remember my daddy he was here
Daddy is gone where did he go
I see his house but he’s not there
He did not come home from the box
I miss you daddy I do not know why
You left me here without your love
I miss you daddy where did you go
You would not get up from the box
The men in uniform shot the guns
Did they hurt you?
Did they shoot you?
Mama said no, that was not so
What happen daddy? Why did you die?
Who hurt you daddy made you cry
I hear you was sad that made you sick
Sad took you away, away from me
this works
The stream of consciousness and the diction work together here. If it seems a bit clumsy it only adds to the delivery of the poem.
~ Ronda
Appreciate your kind thoughts
Tried to put my nephew loss of his father in a few words.
i like it keep up the good
i like it
keep up the good work
Thanks for reading
Barbara Writes appreciates your comment
I like the way you used a
I like the way you used a child’s voice to tell the story - it works as Ronda says because of the clumsiness of the language. The storyteller trying to make sense of the loss, the emotion is very clearly felt.
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Thanks kaz
Barbara Writes
this is a revision of the original
my little nephew didn’t understand his father death
and I wrote this poem to capture his the pain I saw coming from him.
as he talk I listen, helping him cope ,he was five years old at the time