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Submitted by frangipangi on 20 January 2008 - 6:22pm.
The sun was hot, very hot. The man squinted against that hell son, sweated and staggered wide legged under the oppressive heat. He had something in his hand, his voice a low growl, talking to whatever it was. He was babbling to himself an indecipherable language of sorts, stumbling willynilly ,slobbering, squinting and gibbering all the while turning the objects over and over in his filthy hands.
The man’s hair hung like wet, dirty strings in front of his face. He was going to die and he knew that, so he breathed something through ragged rotten teeth, maybe a prayer, maybe a curse what he mumbled in that gravely drone. Some remnants he heard once in a church in an almost forgotten town somewhere in his damned and hellish life. Nevertheless he mumbled on feverishly.
Some times when I read real good stories
I get this camera vision where I see in …camera angles with wide and zoom lense effects and I get that in this write.reallty liked the last half.I would like to collaborat with you some time.
In ink,
Dabbler
Hi Box!
I am honored AND ecstatic/nervious.I’m singing: GOT–TA WRITE!, gotta write,gotta write (In high falsetto voice!) (chugging train sound)dialogue,dialogue,dialogue,CHOO CHOOO! silly aint I? I am thrilled!! (big smile)
THANK YOU Box.
Yours,
Fran
How far along are you on this ...is it a novella I noticed the
excerpt.
how far?
well, not very far just several pages, which I have not edited yet. I have thousands of unfinished stories, novels, plays, screenplays, poems, rantings, pieces of wild thoughts, just stuff.
Fran
Again I want more.
You have that rare quality of writing prose with poetic intensity.
cheers,
Jess
and like the others...
I wanted more… crisp images reaching out of this short
little piece…loved it..
Richard