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Barbara Writes
United States
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Submitted by Barbara Writes on 13 January 2008 - 11:39pm.| Updated 14 January 2008 - 11:28pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Tired of life toils
Eclipse oppose sunshine
Dark cloud shape rain falls
Quiet storm materialize
Asphyxia candle light
Lava fume below the terrain
Raindrops above the firmament
Whitecaps bowl my oceanfront
Undiscerning world siesta
Hearts comfort sunken
Introverted moon loss its luster
Rainbow defeated
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
(2 votes)
Good imagery use
I liked the pictures you have painted here. Depression is indeed a mental cancer. I am not able to comment on the mechanics of this poem but I think you captured the subject well.
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
Thanks
I wanted to share its horrible side with discriptive words
these verses stand out if there was to be revisioning ...
these lines should stay the same.I look forward to more insight on this poem great use of the theme.
‘Quiet storm materialize
Asphyxia candle light
Lava fume below the terrain’
In ink,
Dabbler