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Barbara Writes
United States
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Submitted by Barbara Writes on 12 January 2008 - 12:19am.| Updated 12 January 2008 - 12:26am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Like storms from the sea
Mother’s love takes defeat
Trouble child goes to jail
Hearts crush by hail
Talents and gifts posses
total waste at best
Love of crime nucleus
reasoning clueless
Bad decisions unwise
Portrait of lies
Come home to love ones
another chance to behold
Follow the moon light
Give up the fight
Prison stalks
your soul walks
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
(1 vote)
Sad but true
Your tale is all too often told. My own mother has experienced this story with my brother. I hope that I never face it with my own sons.
There are a few rough spots where your rhyme and pacing seem to lose some of their stamina. Maybe reading it aloud to yourself will help you hear them and offer some ideas for editing. I’m murder on my own work, so don’t mind when I speak of editing!
You have conveyed emotions that obviously strike true with me. This is what poetry is about. Nicely done.
~ Ronda