Neopoet.com

Neopoet.com - a global poetry community.
The first and only democratic, member-ran poetry community — Register Free
 
Style / Type: 
freeform

He works,
outside the window
a dialogue of tide ebbs and flows.
He works,
a paradigm of clouds tantalise triumphantly in procession.
He engages with the polemics of a ceiling’s defects of character,
beauty happens.
He finds the line and talks with a wall’s memories,
beauty happens

 

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
This was "The Housepainter" before I took out the big words
4.25
Average: 4.3 (8 votes)
Submitted by weirdelf on 10 June 2007 - 9:23am.
weirdelf's picture

Hey Joe

Reach for your dictionary. I think this is a much better poem than the dumbed down “The Housepainter”

Submitted by weirdelf on 10 June 2007 - 11:27pm.
weirdelf's picture

How can you know your audience?

I would like my work to reach all readers (even if they have to reach for the dictionary now and then)
Is there a forum for ignorant people?
One for pretentious wankers?
One for people who don’t like poetry?
Seriously Joe, I can’t and won’t write to a demographic, I just hope some of them like my work.
Cheers

Submitted by barbsdad2003 on 21 June 2007 - 8:50am.
barbsdad2003's picture

an acknowledgment

I’m here just to acknowledge (with strong approval) the words in weird’s comment How Can You Know Your Audience?

Submitted by mark on 23 June 2007 - 6:12pm.
mark's picture

I have an audience?

Man o man that’s cool !
“It takes a strong man to admit he has a weak vocabulary” (Me) HA ! but seriously I cannot find that word rofl

Submitted by barbsdad2003 on 20 June 2007 - 8:51am.
barbsdad2003's picture

Why?

Why would anyone need a dictionary to understand this poem?

Chuckles

Submitted by dbaker on 10 June 2007 - 12:41pm.
dbaker's picture

your poem

After reading both versions. I agree with Jess, the original is a much better version. Although both are very good. Nice to see a variation on a theme.

Work, stretch, take risks, visualize your future. Become the poet you have always longed to be. All that is needed is honest effort.-DSB

Submitted by dbaker on 10 June 2007 - 2:08pm.
dbaker's picture

Your Reply Makes No Sense.

WTF? I was commenting on a poem. Joe, I am heartily surprised by your attitude as an “Advocate.” When this site was originally designed, we wanted “Advocates” to encourage poets to write better poetry than what they had previously. However, we did not intend for an “Advocate” to make another poet a “Better writer/poet” by attacking them or being rude and insensitive to their creations.

If you are wondering I am not using the Royal “We”. I mean the people that started this board. Somehow, I think you have missed the whole point of being an “Advocate” or at the very least you do not like to have anyone disagree with your opinion.

But sadly for the rest of the poets on here, this is just my opinion and should be taken as such. As far as the armour goes…I think its pretty cool, and your not the only vetran on the board. I served my time with the US Army. Sorry I was a lowly Platoon Sgt E-6 with the 1/221 Armor Batt, 11th ACR

Work, stretch, take risks, visualize your future. Become the poet you have always longed to be. All that is needed is honest effort.-DSB

Submitted by mark on 16 June 2007 - 8:34pm.
mark's picture

I love . .

reaching for the dictionary for one or two words and there are some poems I just need to pass up. This is perfect for me Elf. I did not see any earlier version that I recall and right now it is not important. Your poetry has meaning for me,
Thanks

Submitted by bellavistabear on 24 August 2007 - 8:04pm.
bellavistabear's picture

I hate to be critical..

Actually, that’s not true..I enjoy being critical.
I am a college educated professional, and I have no clue what this poem is about.

Jess your obviously an extremely intelligent individual and I enjoy our “spirited” exchanges but I must admit this work, I did not care for. Looking forward to reading your other pieces.

Brian (bellavistabear)

Submitted by Barbara Writes on 7 July 2008 - 8:10am.
Barbara Writes's picture

Jess

Smiles:)
Barbara

In honesty I like the house painter better. I don’t think it is a dumb down version of the worker at all. actually it is one of your best poem.
For certain I need the dictionary to understand this piece, but it did not help me much. It is a short poem so I did not mind, but long poems needing the dictionary tired me out, so I just shy away from them.

My inability to understand GOOD poetry is present in me in this piece.

Hope I did not offend, but I like the house painter a whole lot better.

Submitted by weirdelf on 7 July 2008 - 8:59am.
weirdelf's picture

perhaps my inability to write GOOD poetry 8)

no offense taken, now people will have either one of them to like or not.
cheers,
Jess

Submitted by Arrow on 7 July 2008 - 8:32am.
Arrow's picture

I missed the original argument.

I liked this poem although I thought it was about Michelangelo. I guess he could be considered a housepainter extraordinaire. I liked the link betwen “he works” and “beauty happens.” Hopefully, we’re all trying to do that to the degree possible in our own work.

Submitted by weirdelf on 7 July 2008 - 9:02am.
weirdelf's picture

wow, that's cool, it can be about Michelangelo if you like,

the writer loses control when it’s written,
the reader gains control when it’s read.
(you can quote me on that)
cheers,
Jess

Submitted by orgami on 13 July 2008 - 10:10pm.
orgami's picture

humble- jubb

I confess to knowing not every
dictionary term
how can I

Im just me
defectual
sitting in my alligator
moat with all my other
alligators

But I loved this poem
because its so different
then Jess’s usual

made me stop and read
it

my favourit line is
thus

“He finds the line and talks
with a walls memories…”

also reminds me of the
wall in Washington for
the soldiers of Vietnam

walls have such meaning
in our lives

Pink Floyd sang about
them A freind of mine
builds them
and another is a professional
painter

But I loved this Jess

Submitted by weirdelf on 15 July 2008 - 1:17am.
weirdelf's picture

Thanks Orgami

yes walls mean a lot, in good ways and bad
cheers,
Jess