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Submitted by weirdelf on 8 June 2007 - 8:35am.| Updated 24 July 2008 - 4:57pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
The gibbous moon,
Peering over sunset tinted clouds,
Laid down a sussurating path of light through the ocean,
Inviting me home
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(12 votes)

mmm
I tried that and it lost the atmosphere I was trying to evoke, except blithely, you’re right, that must go. Thanks for the feedback
plainspeak!
how do I put this without sounding offensive? I am sure you are a good writer, but I cannot tell because you seem to be trying to show the reader your intellect with your vocabulary choice, and therefore your poems just aren’t connecting with me. Take it for what it’s worth, I’m just a blue collar hick. lol
Yes, speak plain
Not offended in the least, I totally agree that poetry should be accessible and not need a dictionary and a complete works of the Greek classics to be comprehensible, but I also very strongly believe in using the right word in the right place. Look up sussurating. It is perfect. And in Blade, defloration makes the the meaning,
I am a blue collar hick too, not trying to show off my intellect, just happen to have a good vocabulary ‘cos I read a lot and always look up words I don’t know
cheers
Weirdelf
Ok then.......
Ok I got it. I don’t believe in bludgeoning others with a vocabulary. Especially in their replies. That just smacks of pretension, which always smells of horse shit. However if one word hangs you up then I believe you need to look it up in a dictionary.
“Big Words” should be used sparingly, like spices in a soup…too many you loose the flavor.
Overall an outstanding poem.
Work, stretch, take risks, visualize your future. Become the poet you have always longed to be. All that is needed is honest effort.-DSB
hubcap rolling to a stop on Worthington West
Hey its just me Orgami
i like that word
that sssss word
its the word that would
describe what my wheel disc
sounded like when it came off
one night on my high speed
endevours through a sleeping
city
it was a morphing doppler thing
I love your poem and i am not
teasing you about a word
i love that word
but sometimes the moon reminds
me of old chrome on the blacktop
of heaven
glimmering on the twelve zodiacs
sharp as a parked Pontiac
restless Sirius
gaurding them all
busted glass stretching the
whole three sixty yard
the great way
Yah I love your poems!
Title
Great- poem an epic in minature , I like that this poem is a minature Pinksheep.
ta pink
glad you weren’t daunted by the long word, seemed to upset a few, but I refuse to dumb down for anyone.
cheers,
Jess
Thank God
Don’t let the language die. English has more words than any other language—and there is a reason for it! Drachm
What A Gem
Jess
What A Gem
The creativity, and thought, given and versed, a story told,
The choosing of words so aptly put,
Not only did I enjoy reading, but have learnt some new words to,
I thought that this forum was for exactly this,
A workshop for everyone to partake and have first class access
To learned people,
Whilst I make no apologise for others, if they feel that way maybe
They should have a taste of other sites,
There are many great and writers here which have and will continue
To be a great inspiration,
I personally thank you all,
Peter
Don’t you dare ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
I never got around to thanking you Peter
I do now
cheers,
Jess
Go the language!
Yes, the right word in the right place
illiterati get out of my face!
cheers,
Jess
Can
you take out the 2 the{s} {this is a good poem and I have learnt what a Gibbous
moon is }you know they are superfluous and thank you for writing this-
well spotted sheep,
thanks
cheers,
Jess
Like it
Smiles:)
Barbara
love learning new words (gibbous)thanks for writing this.
(sussurating) notice after second time reading this. It read so well the first time
didn’t realize it was there until i read the comments. Must go to the internet for this as my word doc has nothing on it.
love learning new word especially the way you use them in your poetry.
not so many that I tired out and quit.
this is a must read again, wonderful
I'm never in favor of sacrificing the beauty of nuance
for ease of access. Good art takes work as does appreciating good art. Good art should lift you up - even on your tiptoes to the dictionary on the top shelf. If you don’t understand something, you should enlarge yourself, not ask the world to be smaller.
ta barbara, arrow
cheers,
Jess
I believe...
….that you’ve all missed one thing, including the writer; and it’s this perspective(I sincerely hope I’m not using too big of words)…think about the rhythm of the poem, “…and how it rolls off the tongue…,”….one can almost hear a “cadence” when you say, “a SUSS-erating path of LIGHT !” Try saying it like Jimmy Durante would’ve, or do your worse “Nixon impression” while shaking your head…it truly is a party for the tongue; and for that, weirdelf… I salute you ! #:>)
Vote Five !
docmaverick.
thanks Doc
you got it
cheers,
Jess
Congrats on Spotlight
Smiles:)
Barbara
Well deserved masterpiece>
Has inspired me to learn more about the many moon while trying my hand at sonnet. Did not know the moon had so many names and went through so many phases. or rise so many times, etc.
Thanks for sharing a magnificent piece of poetry.
sussurating? i am still not clear on its meaning. share your wisdom .I can only glean from you poem what it seems to mean.
Jess T
Hold on to your heart, it may be the big one! I like this and I think you used the perfect word. Beautiful and fitting!
Rett:
“This way to the Great Egress” P.T. Barnum
wonderful and short, like me
i love it jess! i did have to look up susserating, but know that i know it it makes the poem all the better :D …great work, and i hope you never let anyone try to get you to dumb down your work becasue they dont wanna learn new words!! =]
‘tis rather lugubrious to
‘tis rather lugubrious to circumvent the wheel.
How’d I miss this whale of a tale?
~A
Issue Soft Noises.....
Way to go ‘Weirdelf’. I think I had an English teacher once tell me, “Less is More, when possible.”
“Poetry like this Jess is right in your wheelhouse. Keep these gems comin’”.
Writing poetry is like Reading poetry, it’s alot of work, ‘my god you might have to look something up in a dictionary’.
ATTN; This poetry; these people write, are fragments of the human condition and imagination. Don’t be intimidated by words, or [when you don’t know them]. And especially try not to, piss Writers off. You may have swords, but they have pens.
Ps Nicccce…Susurrating! Peace DDC
This poem has a hauntingly
This poem has a hauntingly beautiful characteristic to it. I enjoyed it very much even if I did have to look up the s word. Using the dictionary is good for my soul! 5 stars!
Always, Cat
thank you all for your comments
my ‘puter died so have come back to a backlog, I do appreciate each and everyone one of you.
Until I win lotto my input/response will be sporadic.
cheers,
Jess
Jess...
I apologise for not commenting on this well thought out poem…
and even before I looked up sussurating, I could see the moon’s
reflecting light on the ocean top because I’ve seen it before and
now… I can hear it too…!
a painting with so few words… and the longing invitation..
yes.. liked it very much… I checked out your revisions, I like
that feature, and agreed with it..
Richard
thanks moonman, like anna I prefer to call you that than Richard
like I always call Steven Orgami, it seems to reflect your poetic nature.
I just fucking love English! So many wonderful words. I only wish I was multi-lingual, only know a smattering of French and German.
cheers,
Jess
I love it too...
multi-lingual I’m not either.. there are so many that are and
have mastered our language so well.. I’ve noticed it here and
seen you comment on it before..
as a child we lived in Germany, Dad was in the army.. we had to
take German, but, I only remember a small amount.. enough to
know it is a beautiful language..
thanks Jess…
Richard