Meet poets from around the world — Become a full member — Register Free
Submitted by weirdelf on 8 June 2007 - 6:12am.| Updated 4 October 2008 - 1:09am.
Style / Type:
freeform
Revel in the chaos…
dance to the divine complexity of the universe
those who don’t live at the edge
take up too much space
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(9 votes)
hmm
Joe, I must respectfully disagree with your last sentence. You lauded Weirdelf for being short and too the point, then you give him some nice flowery language to replace his last line. I agree that the last line needs to change, but I think it needs to be short and to the point as well. Then again, I’m so tired right now that I make no sense. Too many mojitos and margheritas as well.
your feedback
Thanks Joe, appreciate your comments. But that last line is very intentional. A poem should not need a body of work to support it but that is something I do- aspire to depth and meaning then throw in a beer drinking or house painting reference to bring it back to earth. I also see no reason why good poetry shouldn’t be funny
Cheers and thanks again
Weirdelf
Chaos
so true!
My First read of You
I have a finicky palate when it comes to poetry, very few poets pull me in, and you have done that. I suspect it is because I respect your work, that third-eye bindi seeings on paper, your art painted words… Also your uniqueness is charismatic, eloquent and talented. The first read was actually Lies to Children1, and I KNOW what you were about in that piece–it was awesome…
This poem, another piece which i can totally understand, making me nod as if finishing a ripe plum…
~~Pfluffer~
Thanks fluffer, yor comments are truly appreciated
I felt this little work deserved a wee bit more attention.
cheers,
Jess
>
I like things that go untouched, but I let chaos fit in that same spot even if everyone deals with it here and there in small doses.
good point.
W o w
I absolutely LOVE this poem
my freind
It blew me away
ta O and whitetea
I just realised this is the first piece I ever posted on Neopoet
cheers,
Jess
Weirdelf
Short and complete. Do not change a word
Choas
Smiles:)
Barbara
This is great, flow perfect without a error.
I stay clear of edges might topple over LOL
another one of your great ones, I haven’t read before.
The long edge
Or it had better be long so those there don’t drop off to make for more room. Personnaly I like the idea of variety. My God loves it too. Another word for chaos is hell (Event Horizon)
Mark
Give me rhythm and rock me baby ! Oh man, do I wanna get off on it !
oh poo!
the whole idea is to make room for the chaos of individuality and freedom, of course some will fall off the edge, I have several times. Any god that equates chaos with hell is a control freak.
cheers,
Jess
poo?
Deffinitely not poo my friend but following so late didn’t see those lines connect as they do. Wait! gonna check again make sure of a connection but beieve I need to resolute my screen a bit thnanks for that. poo? lmao
Give me rhythm and rock me baby ! Oh man, do I wanna get off on it !
..
true.
made me think of the ones that grow up expecting love to be shiny and perfect and Fabio saving them from whatever then finding out it isn’t most of the time, or at all, then go on afraid to love again. taking up space and wasting the hearts that try to get them to love again..
kudos. :)
it’s very beautiful.
you got it!
thanks for reading and understanding.
cheers,
Jess
Understanding?
Man, now ya got me thinking that UR talking about a heard of Bison.
Changed everything trying to make a larger font but nothing really works guess I need to “hump” the screen to get a good view lmao
Mark
Give me rhythm and rock me baby ! Oh man, do I wanna get off on it !
Jess
I really liked this one,
should it be “On the edge?” instead of at the edge?
just a random thought here!
“There’s no trick to being a humorist when
you have the whole government working for you.”
Will Rogers
very subtle difference on or at
I think you are right, on feels less settled, well picked up. Yet I feel a certain inertia, at feels righter, je ne sais quois.
Might toss a coin whether to change it or not,
cheers,
Jess
didn't toss a coin
decided on at. Don’t ask me to explain. Perhaps someone else could. Do appreciate the insightful feedback.
cheers,
Jess
Live at the edge
Smiles:)
Barbara
Seems to be where i live rather than on the edge. I like it, has a different feel i think,
but then thats me.
At the edge
Smiles:)
Barbara
You theme seems to be taking pleasure in total disorder. On the edge to me, convey riskiness getting that sudden rush of a high then its gone.
But then at the edge for your poem to me suggest taking up resident there.
Maybe on the edge here might topple over LOL.
You know Jess, I like this
Living on the edge a person kind of realizes that this old world doesn’t owe them a dang thing except what the earn. Life isn’t fair and never will be. Doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God, I just don’t count on Him to solve my problems. If He really is there, which I believe, he is probably laughing his behind off at our foolishness.
Respectfully,
Rett:
“We can all be thankful that Picasso wasn’t a plastic surgeon.” Rett
I got kinda the same impression of the old bastard
we make we take it, blame no-one ‘cept where you can make it stick.
cheers,
Jess
This is a gem - I can
This is a gem - I can relate! Short, powerful and packs one heck of a punch! :-)
Kaz
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
ta Kaz,
hope all is good with you now, my thoughts and prayers always with you,
cheers,
Jess
Well, Jess....
I’m afraid of heights, so I’d rather not be too close to the edge. I’ll leave that to the brave, and the lemmings…. I like the conciseness of this work, though.
~Jess K.
—————————————————-
- “Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer!”
- “Constipated people don’t give a shit…”
you had to mention lemmings, didn't you! [shudders]
those creepy little buggers scare me.
cheers,
Jess