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Submitted by themoonman on 13 December 2007 - 10:04am.| Updated 23 November 2008 - 9:31pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Did you notice
I was standing there,
with my face pressed to the glass.
Distorting features
splitting hairs,
slow down… you move too fast.
Behind the pane
I’m not the same,
I’m looking through glass eyes.
Pressing into
mixing time,
did you see me, hear my cries.
As I was standing there
in the glass’s glare,
I saw you how you are.
I’ll probably bust my ass
on all this broken glass,
I can’t stand it in your jar.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(2 votes)
Love This!
Clever. A delight to read. Funky. Perceptive. Nicely nuanced re the pains to be found in a sort of relationship claustrophobia. Especially a union with someone who is perhaps a control freak who can’t see or hear you. Or some such.
Full of fun surprises for such a short piece.
Thanx,
Chuck
Thank you for reading
And for your great comments…..
Richard
this is incredible I don’t know whether to laugh or cry
absolutely love that last stanza
Only one tiny tiny suggestion
try this
with my face pressed to the glass
instead of in
see what you think
Chrys
Hi Chrys..
thanks for stopping and taking time to read and comment..
you are right I’ll be achanging that in ..
have a great day..
Richard
The Bug
Richard thank you for bringing a smile to my face. you reinforced
my position on capturing bugs when I was a kid
Hi Janice..
glad this one made you smile..
Richard
Hi Richard
This is great imagination,
What got you to thinking alone these lines?
Very clever,
Loved the read
Peter
~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
Hi Peter...
glad you stopped by.. there are really a lot of good poems on
the board right now.. thanks for your comments..
this was written about a relationship.. not a good one..
Richard