Neopoet.com

I like the plot.
But I think that the overuse of the word “until” and weak rhyming are definitely shortcomings of the poem.

I think the repetition of until is effective. But the middle two lines seem somehow incongruent. What made you miss the moment?
Overall a good, succinct piece.
cheers,
Jess
wishing you a Salubrious Solstice

So much true. Really loved it. Sometimes i feel exactly the same.
It’s as i was reading my own poem lol.
I really appreciate it.
Wafi

but I hate to admit it because it feels like a failure of imagination

cheers,
Jess

I feel like this is 1/2 a poem, like there should be a second stanza. I’d also suggest you make line 2 consistent with line 1, i.e., “Tired of life, until I take another look.” This is really an interesting concept. I think fatigue and depression are the harbingers of boredom - too tired or unmotivated to read, look, too resigned or hopeless to wish. I hope you exapnd this.

I like your use of the word until.
(check it’s spelling in last line)
I think perhaps you could expand on this piece, but I do like it as is.

Tom

Dear Moonman: Nicely written. I feel like this most of the time. Love, Janice Herzog xoxo

The comment about OCD was right out of order. I was wrong.
repects,
Jess

I get this way a lot with words, life, almost everything, ot to do something.
like your poem another moment missed, i missed a lot right in front of me.

Last line is the only line i see might ned some work, this poem rocks with feeling for me.

Respectfully
Yours,
Barbara

Untill i made a wish, take out *need to*.

Respectfully
Yours,
Barbara

Those days seem to really suck. You want to stay in bed, but then develop a headache. You pick up a book, but all the words blend in together, and drag you down. A tune just doesn’t give you a good pick-me-up. And you’re too lazy to go out and do anything.

Nice resurrection of the piece.

~Jess K.
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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

I like the use of “until”
your poem reminded me of a
converstaion at a bus stop
with an old freind

the toe poking of stones
while scanning the sky
throwing words like marbles
in the little ring

Moonman you make me think
allways