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Submitted by themoonman on 8 December 2007 - 10:57am.| Updated 30 August 2008 - 6:18pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
I bought a stamp for her collection.
It had heart balloons,
flying I-love-you’s.
A generous-eyed bug,
offering gigantic hugs.
Not much, a rubber stamp….
I dropped it in the oversized bag,
with the card I made,
and the picture of me,
flying balloons,
with I love you’s.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(2 votes)
I think this says a huge
I think this says a huge amount about true tenderness with such sparse words. You are to commended for your brevity.
Iechyd da [Good Health - Welsh]
Mike
Thanks
Thank you for your kind words…
Yes! This to me is what poetry is about
saying so much, so intimately, with so little,
cheers,
Jess
wishing you a Salubrious Solstice
Hello..
Wow… I appreciate your comments. Sad thing is my wife liked the poem better than the picture…lol
...
sometimes brevity and simplicity is all love really is.
i think people tend to complicate it entirely too much.
this was sweet. ^_^
good write.
Hi there again...
you had to go back to dig this one up… thank you!
and you are right, we as human beings do tend to over-complicate
the simple things… over-thinking beings we are at times.
I appreciate you reading my forgotten write… I think it needs
a little structuring… but as of yet it hasn’t been done.
thanks
Richard
Yes, tender
I agree with all the above comments. I don’t think it requires any major restructuring. A few thoughts:
He has heart balloons, - I’m a little confused here. Is “he” the salesperson and if so, should it be “had”? Or, are you talking about the stamp, which would be “it”?
flying I love you’s, - “I love you“‘s or I-love-you’s? It seems to need something.
A generous eyed bug, - and (or) a generous-eyed bug
I can see why your wife would be pleased. This poem is a much beter gift!
thank you Arrow...
I think your suggestions help this little write out tremendously…
thank you for the read of my poem…
Richard
Richard
This is not in much need at all. Maybe what Arrow suggested. Quite a good write if you ask me although you didn’t. *G* I like it. Sometimes what we think is the least likely thing a person will cherish is the one they most do. Well done. Somehow I guess I missed this or it was posted before I came.
Respectfully,
Rett:
“The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor” Unknown
Rett...
thank you for the uplifting comment.. it means a lot coming from you..
you hadn’t missed this one it was posted before you came to the site.
thanks again
Richard
Richard
You just keep getting better. Good one
Linda...
I like you… thank you for reading this one… as I told Rett this one was
posted earlier… in fact it was the second or third poem I posted here.. and
thanks to CaptainKrash, one of our new members, it got brought back to the first
page again… I changed it a bit as per Arrow’s suggestions…
thank you again for reading
and just for being here
Richard
i thoroughly enjoyed
the revisions you made on this made me like it even more.
just the small little tweaks on this made all the difference.
hehe
i’m glad i went way back for this one ;)
great work
Ash...
I want to thank you again… I thought it made a big difference too.. .
see.. your fresh eyes and voice are needed here…
thank you
Richard