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Style / Type: 
freeform

 

NOW OUR CHILDREN OF GOD

one more tear of blood rolls from pained eye

a slower slide seeping now but same wet as all have been

warm lagging drip ‘cross cheek to chin ‘fore falling

to now well stained soil such brilliant red never drying

another stripe another star of liberty bound for dust

how many tears have fallen day by week by year

i’ve lost count while pool rises too deep to measure

how many more small footprints will wade through growth

having lost more than fathomed in sands beneath all feet

how many more hands eyes must reach through dreams to find

frame and glassed gifts of sons and daughters

spouses armed to fight the sheets

who pays for our atrocities but us all told God guides our goal

who pays for theirs but themselves and their masked selfish sons

folded flags for folding chairs holding frozen fathers mothers with druthers

weeping widows and heirs of lost inheritance

the list grows on and bloody tears keep caked my face

i leave them there like bad tattoos

why wash and dry what i cannot lose

but rare when on these streets i stroll

some share these streaks what red runs show

infidels imperialists left right any middle

one for oil and oil for one

rwc…

9/17/07

 

 

 

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
4.5
Average: 4.5 (2 votes)
Submitted by weirdelf on 6 December 2007 - 3:48am.
weirdelf's picture

Although, like all your work

Although, like all your work so far this is well written it does feel a tad wordy to me, just my feeling.
Great ending.
atrocoties (sic)
cheers,
Jess

Submitted by rwc88... on 6 December 2007 - 12:27pm.

thanks for the note on spelling -

J,
man i missed that. my wife tells me alla time, you can’t edit yourself.
usually i’m a real good speller. easy since i was good in school (???) and spent my career of 33 years reading.
thanks for the wordy part.
yes, wordy.
meant to be.
got a lot to say.
have experimented in all forms of poem writing except haikus and sonnets.
wordy. hmmm. yes, my shit should be heard. next breath sometimes takes the place of commas or a pause.
also in this piece, i’m tired of this war bushmongering crap. same as vietnam almost. tho’ now americans are losing our sons instead of our brothers.
remember whitman said, “i am large, i contain multitudes.”
poetry is about sound and reduction of course to me and there are many out there who are actually writing prose poetry rather than poetry. reduction meaning saying as much as possible in as few words as possible. listen to my words rather than read. since you’re on the other side of the world it don’t make no difference which direction i holler toward does it? hear. like i heard that poem i read last night by Mej something - an indian maybe. helluva good poem.
word ruby in it. and ancient one speaking to a young man a minute by a fire. maybe called “the artist speaks.” have memory loss at times - hunching you may have gathered that?

Submitted by Meic on 7 December 2007 - 8:39am.
Meic's picture

I read it out loud, recorded

I read it out loud, recorded and played back … and you’re right you can hear if you listen.

I love your final line - I fell apart laughing.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
Nadolig llawen & blwyddyn newydd dda
geseënde Kersfees & gelukkige nuwejaar

Mike