Neopoet.com

Hello Emarie

This poem has unusually long lines, reminding me of your predisposition towards prose. One can then ask the question: are these prose lines that are presented as poetry? What are the differences between prose and poetry?

I scanned the last two lines of your poem:

Gashes /of vermil/lion ag/ony streaked/ her last/ battlefield/

trochee, anapest, iamb, anapest, iamb, cretic

Ripped from/ her own/ chest was this/ heart she held/

trochee, iamb, cretic, cretic

Here we see an interesting rhythmic pattern: both lines contain the trochee-iamb-cretic pattern. A full analysis of the poem will reveal similar rhythmic patterns. And that, of course is one of the things that distinguishes poetry from prose.

Another important characteristic of poetry is the sonics. Look at this line:

“Picking up pace all too quickly, she shivered and shook”

The alliteration of “Picking up Pace” and “shivered and shook” is all too evident.

So that answers the question. This is definitely poetry, and interesting poetry, to boot. The passion and rich imagery in it is so intense as almost to be disturbing.

If I have to criticise something, I’d say look at the colours: “crimson and vermillion”. I know you want to describe blood in strong terms, but to me those colour words seem a little garish. There might be better ways to describe the way the blood looks. Didn’t Virgil describe the sea as “wine dark”?

Regards

De Waal

eloquent, passionate, intelligent, with a very dark side.
cheers,
Jess

The deserving creature who I sought revenge on get it in the end by her own hand maybe not in your vision but in mine your peom reveals a deserving end to those who would play with hearts such as a wicked warrior might in the game of Love if not very visual for me I like

I cant missed this gem first time round. The lines may be long but it flows like poetry to me. The imagery and language use are stunning. I love the theme. You really briught the character to life. I could see her vividly.

I read this a few times and each time I thought it was awesome.

Kaz

It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

I could have sworn I’d commented on this piece before!

Ah well … ‘tis no hardship to do so now - it’s a deliciously dark piece with excellent pacing and rhythm. Despite the violence one cannot help but be on her side, to empathise. Whatever she has done, we feel, it was unavoidable, necessary and valiant.

That it was her own heart is both triumph and tragedy.

Iechyd da [Good Health - Welsh]

Mike

I could have sworn I’d commented on this piece before!

Ah well … ‘tis no hardship to do so now - it’s a deliciously dark piece with excellent pacing and rhythm. Despite the violence one cannot help but be on her side, to empathise. Whatever she has done, we feel, it was unavoidable, necessary and valiant.

That it was her own heart is both triumph and tragedy.

Mike

Don’t know how I missed this one.
I thought this to be brilliant~

_____________________________
To write a touching poem,
you must gently stir the soul,
if it brings forth tears or smiles,
then the story was beautifully told.
________Janice Pearce_________

that she ripped out her own heart. As always, wonderfully vivid imagery. About the foreshadowing you mentioned in the comment above: Writing (and performing art in general) surely contributes to developing what can be called “psychic powers”.
As for what it feels like: I´ve been there, too.
This piece is intelligent and original, and I am very curious about the intended novella…
Please let me know whether you have gotten round to finishing it yet.
ID