The first and only democratic, member-ran poetry community — Register Free
Submitted by calliope on 29 October 2007 - 2:45pm.| Updated 29 October 2007 - 3:46pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Have you ever had a feeling that wouldn’t go away?
Or a premonition ,maybe ,and the shadow of it stayed?
A darkness that hovered not far behind?
A weight on your shoulders of which relief you can’t find?
And the solutions seemingly float in our midst,
We reach out to grab them,But always miss.
When will we know the unknown?
Will the answers one day be shown?
Cast away my pain and woes,cast away my misery,
Cast away my shame and sorrows,and banish me to a revery.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
(2 votes)
I like it
You’ve hit a very common thread amongst those who suffer. Nicely written with good movement. I could feel this one as I read it. I will look forward to seeing more from you.
I do dig
the rhythm you’ve given yourself in the begining and middle of the poem. Towards the end I think it stumbles a bit, perhaps the repetition could be broken up a bit, I don’t know. The poem reads a bit like an abstract rather than concrete, IMHO.
On a lighter note, I see you’ve got a loyal fan boy in hiflyguy! (watch out, I think he’s trying to get laid!)
= ) lighten up folks if you’re offended, we’re all friends here!
welcome to neopoet :)
Mark W.
A lighter note continued...
Oh Mark, don’t be jealous…I loved your manic sense in Warsteiner Rant…what was that about the Germans again? Oh that’s right, “Superior” and “Arian”….are YOU trying to turn ME on?
roflmao
nice! The beer was the aphrodisiac for me!
Mark W.
Easy Boys
Cockfights tend to get messy,lmao.Although I think I may be flattered,lol
Lacy,
Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
Hey since they're boastrious and...
distracted would you like to slip away to share some coupled verses?
Curiously,
Dabbler
Ahhh
Your a smooth operater.O’ what more there is to share,lol.[I’m so blushing right now]
Lacy,
Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
*(wink)
Hello Lacy, After the last Question verses you ...
seemed to do a daring pull back into the poem I think 11 said it well.The theme though is a sharp one for sure.
I have a short story I put up “When I Don’t Listen”.
as a sa”gut”arius I pay dearly for not listening to my premanitions and such.So don’t yank the engine out just rotate the tires a little,and message me if you do.
In ink,
Boxless