Here now in this dark and desolate place
That once was, a warm and happy space
Filled with bright yellow sunshine, sweet joy, and continuous laughter
In a time so fertile, no end in sight
Deep blue water, swaying palms, and endless romancing, long into the night
and
The beautiful white and shifting sand
This place was designed for a woman and a man
It was not fit for disaster
Wondering eyes, a fleeting heart, a simple plan, a broken heart, a simple man
Sitting on the white and shifting sand
Seemed so obvious, she should have known
As a razor cuts her to the bone
Love torn, rings worn
A soul bleeds and so does she
Upon the white and shifting sand
Stained red, with thier warm and steaming blood
A thought by Sinbad the Sailor Man
Sorry Im using a libray computer and people r waiting I running
See u all soon I hope 2 get my home com on line soon Sinbad
there
is only one word that i feel is out of place this is only my opinion and its “shifting” there’s got to be another word to me that word is harsh . Your poem starts off airy and ends with a sad song, i didnt see that coming. i personally like the images of the beginning so pleasant.
Oh my Child Harsh
Harsh is the way of an old sailors life from when the cats away the mouse she plays I did not make up the rules to this here game the people of this planet make them as they go harsh do you have any replacement for shifting, flipping a womans altenrative to change her mind maybe, I was trying not to be harsh and tried to displace the emotional anguish I was feeling at the time I wrote this as my ex was making my life more uneasy then it is usally but, I cant seem to find anything to work open to sujestions have any? to the word shifting crossing, blowing glisten steaming love that intising stare Donnie/Sinbad
A portrial of a desperate soul in rich verse
White Shifting Sand the image in my mind :
camera from close-up white sand open shot to shadow image.
My friends girl friend cried…..
In ink,
David
Wow
This piece had me close to tears. The imagery, the flow, the storytelling are spot on for me. I especially like these lines:-
Love torn, rings worn,
A soul bleeds and so does she
Upon the white shifting sand
Stained red and steaming with thier blood
Nice work. I look forward to seeing more!
Kaz x
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside
You know kaz it is weird
this piece took all of ten minutes to write and probly five to rewirte but I was at home on my way out when the kids called and said you can’t come and get us when you just drop by any more I say drop by I called first yea but mom and jeamry say no more I had just move back to town and she new this but she decides to make it more dificult knowing I had no car or a house in town then I just can’t concieve what it is I suposely done to her you would think she would be happy I was trying to see them but no I’m sorry but I was close to tears this day and I am glad it made someone feel something as I get so numb sometimes I need to know I still can I wanted her to read this but she can barely look my way a woman I shared so much of myself with is going out of her way to increase the hurt for no reason at all she gets paid every month not what she thinks is fair but what the Government thinks is fair and she knows at anytime I could and have just disapear
well tanx sorry it took so alful long to replay as I was at first trying to do so from the stream Donnie/Sinbad
Haunting
Such a haunting tale told with grace and talent. It is definitely one to tear at the heart.
If I may, there are some minor spelling errors that detract from the beauty of the piece:
beatiful - beautiful
Woundering - wandering? wondering?
thier - their
Nice writing!
~ Ronda
Thanx Ronda
when I first came to the site I didn’t relly take the time too learn how to use it not that I am doing much better yet But I did change the peom and I used the spell checker but here lately its not loading for me the spell checker and my computer is down as of today so I’ll be suffering to try to get something on the site
I thank you for your comment as I do need to hear what people think as I am trying to get published still and now it will take even longer with the box at home dead or dieing I’m on such a tight Bugget its hard enough to pay the electric
bill so thanx again and sorry it took so long to respon Donnie/Sinbad
such a beautiful read
I was directed back to this piece by a note informing me that there was a new comment. I read it again at least three times just now and will probably do so again after leaving this comment.
Your words are beauty and the emotion throughout emits a lonely melancholy that echoes through this reader’s mind.
Thank you for sharing such a fine piece, Donnie. It is definitely one of my favorites.
~ Ronda
Sinbad, when I read your
Sinbad, when I read your first poem you know I liked it, but in my arrogance I suspected you might be a gifted dabbler. I apologise, you are far more than that, you are a very fine poet.
I especially love your seemingly unselfconscious honesty and classic approach. Most post-modern poetry strikes me as a failure of the imagination, creativity entrapped by Foulault’s conceptual Penopticon, I hate those bloody French obscurantist intellectuals. For real, generous intellectual victuals read Umberto Eco or Noam Chomsky.
cheers,
Jess
Thank you Oh so much
for such words do tug at my heart strings especialy from one such as yourself I have read some of your stuff but try to spread myself around here Its is not so easy you would think 240 min to be sufecteint time but it is no where near enough for me to read and the try to comment I now only 15min left before it just knocks me out for the day I know nothing of the history or the styles of poetry so I am at a loss to comunicate on much here But as I read the replys I learn Slowly but I learn I enjoy your works Although at time I get lost as I do others because of the lack of styles and the history of poetry I guess And I have so little time to do anything While I’m just trying to survie here in town so I can be close to my Kids but yet I have to work so much just to make ends meet these days Take care jess happy hunting may you find whatever you seek when ever you seek it Donnie/ Sinbad
Thanx for your oh so kind words
I think the peoms that just pop into ones heads are the best ones for when I try to make one they elude my ability to create rather than the ability to descibe Thanx happy Holidays Donnie/ Sinbad
Did you read the Dark side of Paradise?
it is kind of like this one but no one has said anything about what they thought of it or the others Iplaced that day I think maybe they got lost in the sytem as there was some type of login problem that day Donnie/Sinbad