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Submitted by sinbadthesaliorman on 20 October 2007 - 3:25pm.| Updated 23 January 2008 - 2:31pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Look into your heart; through it’s endless layers
Where I have been buried, yet still alive; by whatever evil; being
Turn back the hands of time to the beginning
Where love bloomed; forget this doom it’s gloom
This fake life you have claimed and choose to sustain
One in which you will not udder my name
Or even think it; least you remember me, your lover
Although I failed you somehow; did not a chance remain?
To fix whatever damage that was done
Blind sided by a big red truck
Swept away like dirt on the floor, flung into the dung-heap
Did you even lose any sleep?
One day I was still your lover; and then the other
Forgotten
A thought by Sinbad the Sailor Man
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
where can i find cheap magizines on this stuff I look in the local liberry but no fruits there
(2 votes)
Sinbad, what stuff?
if you mean poetry it is all over the web. I think your poem is cool. She dumped you, oh well be as shallow as her for yourself and go looking man :-)
Good luck,
Mark
You know I didn't catch on to the site
its is so well thought out But, I have been so lost of late, these replys button and the rest I feel like an idiot well Im going back through to try to cacth up on replys as my computer died today it comes on the just stops the power lite is on but every thing esle is dead
wont be posting till I can figure it out Tanx for your remarks Mark so I didn’t quite have a grasp of the site for some time
Forgotten
Ouch I know the Big Red Truck,the soon to come girl will be a salve for the wounds you feel,let the healing begin.
In ink,
Dabbler
Soon to come girl where do you find them
when your are not looking I guess I just got lucky a few drunken nights but I am too picky I guess have the bad habit of comparing her to them and they just don’t measure up for I’m using a diferent scale I beleive In fate or a least I think I do
Suspend
Suspend your judgement :)