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Submitted by calliope on 11 October 2007 - 12:02pm.| Updated 16 March 2008 - 10:32pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
have you ever felt
that you needed to shout
you open your mouth
but nothing comes out
you scream and you scream
but nobody hears
nobody there
soothing your fears
leaving you alone
to cry in the dark
leaving the world
looking empty and stark
mourning the loss
of a peice of yourself
that was dead and dying
put away on a shelf
do you wonder,sometimes
how and when it all began
do you wonder,sometimes
that your forever damned
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
an old one revised hope you like
(4 votes)
Powerful
Raw emotion rings loud and clear here. I like this and can relate very closely. I like the title, the beginning and the end. The rhyming as a whole works except the last two lines make the poem falter a little. Maybe because it’s tricky to find a word to rhyme with damned.
Apart from that- I really enjoyed this - nice work.
Kaz x
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
A ringing in my heart
when I read this poem(a voice coming through a cacophony).I read it in my head as a voice above a whisper.The use of questions make the poem relate.
Thank you Lacy.
In ink,
David
Yes I have...
At times… felt exactly this way. Great poem. The night always comes before the dawn.
Wolfy.
I also liked this very much
I also liked this very much and have felt to be damned more than my share
Marie
Forever damned
This is a raw and pessimistic one indeed Lacy although it is really good. It seems though there is always someone who can hear and heed that soundless cry. Your Prof