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Submitted by calliope on 11 October 2007 - 11:48am.| Updated 16 March 2008 - 10:44pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
deepening night,
cold day,
summer’s gone,
winter’s grey,
soft pillars of earth,
now frozen snow,
the trees have told,
the leaves to go,
“what now?”
I ask,
of the last ,
of man,
“my love is lost ,
by my enemys’ hand,
redemption is far,
far from my sight,
yet ,vengeance,
will make,
my heart feel light,
what say you,
do you stand with me,
or cower here and wait for pity,
pity that will never come,
so I’ll take my revenge,
and have it done,
I will avenge the love,
I lost in spring,
and embrace the peace,
my vengeance will bring.”
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
another old one revised hope you like
(3 votes)
Yes I like this
Powerful and full of emotion. There is some great imagery here too. I like the idea of the trees telling the leaves to go. Watch your spacing in places. It doesn’t detract from the poem but you may want to look at that. Strong and defiant ending. Nice work.
Kaz x
It’s impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
I just read from "Thus Spoke Zarthirstra"
This Morning and Whoa! I see a hint of it here.
In ink,
Dabbler
Regard acts of nihilist terrorism!
Zarathustra
cheers,
Jess
This is quite
powerful in places! Is your uneven scansion in places, intentional?
I like the dichotomy of finding peace as a result of an act of violence.
Like the imagery, too! Good job…
Reverend Bec Hudson
Shine Your Light
It’s the ONLY Way to Get Rid of the Darkness!
thus spoke calliope
I see that you have described a bit about the pillars of earth and one can assume you like trees, but the poem never gives a hint as to why Spring is your lover. It does not have a line or two that really sell me on your relationship. Yes, the fact that you want vengeance as a result of your loss tells one side of the story, but where is the imagery that speaks of your lust, love, and life with Spring? What are you fighting for??? Also, there is no mention of the way your lover (spring) will cycle again to you next year…perhaps slaying winter for you in the process. While I agree that cycling seasons is a trite platform on which to write, and that you have gone above and beyond this theme, it may be wise to at least show you understood this truth.
Do not get me wrong though. I am intrigued by your theme. I just want to hear more about the romance if you are asking me (your fellow man) to band together against winter with you.
Daniel
Thank you daniel
I will certainly take that into consideration.I appreciate your comments and honesty.Thanks,i’m not finished with this one yet.
Lacy,
Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
slap on the back of a good vengefulness
“embrace the peace
my vengeance will bring!”
love this line
Thank you
this was written years ago ,Scared to mess with it,might screw it it up,lol,
Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.