Neopoet.com

I love this and it is written well, spell check minor, 2nd last stanza, 2nd last line, your instead of you.
Apart from that. A_1.
Enjoyed the read.
Love Lyz.
XX

Dear Stu

this ones beautiful … there were a couple of lines i would tweak but later on its nearly dinnertime here and I am cook tonight … I am going to make some suggestions for you later when the troops have been feed … just tiny things I think would improve it and if you dont like them ? toss em lol

love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x x

here are some suggestions i thought might smooth the flow out in a couple of places

you dont need to use them juts suggested changes that could improve

love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x

sweet Unicorn please tell me, how you came to be?
Your full of magical beauty and live as one free
To perch high on the mountains of all you survey
Spreading wonder and light from the dawn of my day

Dear human in question please let me explain
The road to enlightment is filled with much pain
I was but a beast, a creature in torment
I asked the creator for all but a moment

I climbed the great stair and asked to be good
He thundered to me, if I dared then he could
See I was but a Bull with two curly horns
I was tired of anger and my future was torn

Everything happens for reason, he started to say,
including those two horns and your choice this day
You were given a choice at the begining of time
To come back to me and be one with the divine

Your horns represent both love and hate
Your true heart within has decided your fate
For having no hate enhanced your great quest
Your heart does ring true and passes my test

I see in your heart that it’s not of the Bull
its of love and creation to the brim it fills
I will make you unique and transform your soul
Make you special with pure magic control

To control your own fate and judge yourself
Be honest and kind and distribute your wealth
your name is Unicorn, and you have but one horn
beautiful and wise and from truth are you born

(know that I will always be there for you)

Stu I feel like you need another line to make the ending a couplet
but thats just me … wonderful poem I had a tweak see what you think
just ideas to how you can go about rewrites … and good practice
for me critiquing lol

Stu this is just beautiful….shows how you were true to yourself and came out the other side smiling.

Your spelling teacher asks you to fix up ‘Dared’ : )

Ciao
Beck xoxo

PS Hi Lyz.. hope you are well.

Just one more wee mistake… (everything) (Everyting happens for a reason, he started to say)

I love horses. One of the many animals in our world that are almost human. If only Unicorns did exsits this would be spectacular. I’ve posted a new poem and would like it if you could give me your comments and thoughts. By the way you write, similar to myself, I think you may like it.

xena465

wow I loved this. I have loved unicorns all my life, and you did well to honor them. Beautiful job!

Greeneyes

I do love the twist on this tale of old and who is to say it is any less likely than any of the others.
Women and unicorns? now there is a question …why do we like them…the hope of peace and love and rightiousness? perhaps.

Can I be a nit picker to to perfect this lovely poem
On the line
Make you special with magic and give you control
take out the and and put in a comma…the beath of the spoken poem is so much better that way, try it and see what you think.

Seabhac

Your poem is the first thing I’ve read today;
and what a beautiful way to start the day!

An exquisite work of poetic art from the heart.

Thank you, for this little journey with your sublime Unicorn.

Gentle regards,

Raven

I love this poem. I read all the comments so far. And there is nothing for me to add. Keep writting and I will keep reading your work. huey

you kept using ‘you’ all the way thru it, got confused where the unicorn stopped talking. and that first stanza? kinda sounded like a barbie commercial. odd reading it with a superman pic right next to it tho. all in all, it was an interesting read. not bad, not saying i hated it.