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Docmaverick
United States
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Submitted by docmaverick on 13 September 2007 - 11:31pm.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
Like the year needs all four seasons
like the morning needs the dawn,
like a song needs a melody
like we all need to get along;
like the flowers and the plants
need the morning dew,
just as these needs are important
I always will need you.
Like a painter needs a canvas
like an audience needs a show,
like a baby needs it’s Mother
for love with which to grow.
Like a rainbow needs it’s colors
and birds, a sky so blue;
just as these needs are important
I always will need you.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Doc, I think you are a bloody good poet
otherwise I wouldn’t hassle you so much.
Come on, give me a break “and birds, a sky so blue” you can do better.
Give us some raw emotion, drop the fucking rhyme, honestly man, I think it would help.
cheers,
Jess