www.neopoet.com/your-name-here? — get your space on the web — Register Free
Docmaverick
United States
Full Profile
1 comment
Make a comment
Other article tools
Submitted by docmaverick on 13 September 2007 - 3:44am.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
They did thier jig-saw puzzles
without fail everyday,
they listened intently
to what each other had to say;
and they used to write out cards
now she answers them alone,
she’s writing less and less
for her time’s spent on the phone;
He’s gone, but what’s so beautiful
is her smile never fades,
she remembers vividly
all the memories that they made.
she lives life living a Loving Secret
not a life of hurt or gloom,
her smile is oh so genuine
for they’ll be together, soon.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(1 vote)
Doc, permission to be blunt
I feel you descend into triteness here.
Do me a favour, write and post some haikus and/or unrhymed verse. I think it would be an invaluable exercise for you as a poet.
cheers,
Jess