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Docmaverick
United States
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Submitted by docmaverick on 4 September 2007 - 9:38am.| Updated 4 September 2007 - 4:44pm.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
The widow’s full of sorrow
young lovers passion’s full,
the sky is full of sparrows
by the sea, it’s full of gulls;
the elderly, full of memories
the children, full of hope,
the synic’s full of sarcasm
‘cause thet’s what helps them cope.
The sun is full of brightness
the moon is full of night,
politicians are full of themselves
and think they’re always right.
The ocean’s full of water
the heaven’s full of stars,
but no two hearts are as full of love
more than the two hearts that are, ours.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(2 votes)
Watch Your Typing
There are a number of typing errors in this poem, so it worth checking it through again. For example.
the sky is fill of sparrows. Should that read ‘full’?
Apart from that the rhyming works well for me and drives the poem forward. It flows well and it packs a punch with your description of the cynic. Very true, I agree.
I like the last verse in particular.
The ocean’s full of water
the heaven’s full of stars,
but no two hearts are as full of love
than the two hearts that are, ours.
These are beautiful lines. Nice work.
Kaz
Full
Kaz,
You’re absolutely right about my typing…I was in a “rush” to get it in, and the body DID suffer temporarily, until you so mercifully pointed it out to me. Thanks for that, and the kind words,
Doc.
Need i say more
Hi Doc
Ahhh Doc you have done it again!!! your writing, each and every piece i have read of yours so far has hit my heart right where its meant to!!!
This is beautiful thank you!!!!
Kind regards
Feebie
Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)