www.neopoet.com/your-name-here? — get your space on the web — Register Free
Docmaverick
United States
Full Profile
1 comment
Make a comment
Other article tools
Submitted by docmaverick on 4 September 2007 - 9:21am.
Style / Type:
Western Classic
The mountain lion looked around
in search of some kind of treat,
he knew not, from where it’d come
he just had to have some meat.
It seemed he’d searched for quite some time
hunger starting up a trauma,
when finally his eyes did find
a healthy piece of brauma.
He caught his meat-and he did eat
‘twas even better than a deli,
he ate up almost all his prize
and severely gorged his belly.
Proud of himself, and his catch
he laid down on the canyon floor,
his contentedness he could not contain
so the lion began to roar.
A hunter happened to hear the noise
and a shot came from a finger pull,
and the morale of this story is,
“Keep quiet, when you’re full of bull!”
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(2 votes)
chuckled out loud
but not till the end did I realise you probably meant brahma instead of brauma, which unfortunately does not exist or rhyme with trauma
perhaps
hunger starts to be drama?
just a suggestion
cheers,
Jess